Why Can't I Lose Weight?

I've Moved!

2008-06-17T22:26:00.000-07:00

Hey Guys!

In case you didn't know yet, I have moved over to www.brookecastillo.com. Please come on over! I will continue to write a blog-it just won't be quite so weight loss focused. I will be using all the same concepts in a more general way. That way those of you who have already lost all of your weight can stay with me!

If you have enjoyed this blog so far and would like a copy of all the posts in a pdf format- please head on over and download it from the "My Entire Last Blog" post.

See you over at www.brookecastillo.com!

My email is still brooke@coach4weight.com.

Brooke

Why Aren't We Talking About My Weight?

2008-05-31T08:59:00.001-07:00

Many of my clients will start coaching with me and we won't talk about their weight or what they are eating. They have hired me to help them lose weight and yet I don't talk about their food journals or what the scale says.

Why?

Because the weight is the symptom of a deeper issue. The weight is the effect-the result of the thinking causing it. To talk about the symptom and how to alleviate the symptom, without addressing the cause, is a waste of our time in my opinion.

But my clients are in a hurry. They want to be skinny. They want the weight off their bodies. They want me to say the magic life coaching words that will take away their desire to eat. Some want me to beat them up when they overeat. Others want me to hold them accountable for working out.

This is symptom work. And frankly, I am better than that. And so are they. And so are you.

As I work with more and more clients who want to lose weight, I realize that I am using many of the same tools that are not specific to weight loss. Some of you may have listened to my class titled Self Coaching 101 which is a sample of some of that work. I am currently working on a book of the same title.

I have also decided to expand my practice to work with any client who wants to learn to coach themselves. Unlike some other life coaching professionals, I am trained to get to the cause of my client's suffering and give them tools to get out on their own and then send them on their way. I am not trained to keep treating symptoms so they will "stay" with me as a client for years. My goal is to coach, teach you how to coach yourself, and then keep in touch as your life expands to hear how you are doing.

With this model in mind, I am completely revamping my website (coming soon!) and the organization of my practice. I will be continuing the WEIGHT LOSS COACHING and my once a year retreat (keeping it small and limited to 10 people). I will add on the SELF COACHING 101 book and in-person seminar tour throughout the country where I will get to meet so many of you who have been requesting I come to your town. The third part of my practice will be COACH MENTORING where I will supplement the work that I have been doing as an Master Instructor for MBI. I will be offering one on one and group coaching on how to take your coaching practice to the next level. I will also be providing training in all my weight loss tools and personal coaching methods.

I am very excited about this expanded direction. The feedback and input I get through email each day is motivating and exciting! Thank you all for joining me on this journey. I will keep you updated as this blog moves over to my new site and my posts change from being heavily weight related to more universal in their application. I will be talking about the books I am reading, the tools I am developing, and the experiences I am having on the road and one on one with my clients.

I hope you will join me!

By the way, I wanted to share with you a great CD that some of my colleagues put together for a seminar we produced a few weeks ago. I LOVED listening to it as it has many of the tools I use everyday explained by some really awesome coaches. You can purchase a copy at http://www.stellarcoachingsolutions.com. I rarely recommend products- but this one is really great! Let me know if you agree.

This is so fun!

2008-05-09T15:49:00.000-07:00

Hey Guys!

For those of you who don't know, I am redesigning my website with bluelinestyle. It has been such a fun process. The first step of this adventure is the logo and the video. For those of you who are interested, you can check it out here.

I HIGHLY recommend Chelsea at BlueLine for any type of video, web design(mine coming soon), or photography. She is truly doing what she was meant to do.

http://bluelinestyle.com/brooke/theshiz/

Am I Enough Today?

2008-05-03T22:25:00.000-07:00

Is this a question you really want to ask a piece of metal?

When you step on the scale and it has gone down, you feel approval. When it has gone up, you feel less than good.

Isn't this a huge responsibility to give to a inanimate object?

Stripping off all our clothes. Going to the bathroom first. Rechecking three or four times. Making sure we haven't eaten.

All to have the scale give a lower number so we can feel approval from a piece of metal.

Isn't there a better source of approval?
Isn't there a better judge of your goodness?

Maybe it's too big of a job for a piece of metal.

Maybe it's your job.

And may I remind you...

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

(Now you have a second opinion for those days when the number on the scale goes up.)

The Gym

2008-04-28T13:08:00.000-07:00

A brilliant email from one of my clients that I had to share......

It's funny I just realized today at the beginning of my gym journey I
made this decision not to be a taker at the gym - and I haven't been
at all - clearly - but it was fun to look down at what this
particular gift of self-love has given me and how so much of it is
not what I WOULD have asked for. So... what I mean is this... before
going to the gym I would have said - I want to go to the gym because
I want to get skinny - Gym=grocery store - you go to the store to
buy milk. You go to the gym to buy skinny. Then I would go to the gym
- not get skinny - and think - this gym sucks. And not go back - I am
an unsatisfied customer.

This time I went to the gym because I knew it was the right thing to
do to take care of my body. So I went for myself. I went because I
asked it of myself to care for myself as I would a pet or a child. I
didn't expect ANYTHING - it was more like I was fulfilling a duty.

And here's what I got -
- time with myself - like a daily date
- a new relationship with my iPod and some new music and podcasts
- a total sense of belonging and comfort in any gym!
- an awareness of how much more I can do than I sometimes realize
which translates into brain activities not just body activities
- better posture
- nice square shoulders, crazy strong biceps, rock solid calves and
hamstrings
- the pleasure of touching my body and feeling the effects of my efforts
- a new understanding of goal setting and slow but steady progress
- pride when I've it a goal - the day I ran 30 consecutive minutes,
my first 5K on the treadmill, my first 5K outside, my 2:30 minute
quarter mile on the track (which was down from 3:40!), and of course
benching 100 lbs.
- a deep belief that I can do anything I set my mind to

And here's what I learned: I went to the wrong store for milk. In
fact - the gym isn't a store at all....it's a Church.

Future Focus

2008-04-19T16:43:00.000-07:00

I have had a few questions about the idea of "Future Focus," that I mention in my book. How does this concept correlate with "Being in the Moment" which is also so important? It is a common question that comes up with Law of Attraction vs. The Power of Now which are two very popular practices.

I just want to clarify that, from my perspective, they are not in conflict. Future Focus is a practice of thinking and visualizing the future we want. The reason why we focus on the future and what we want is not so we can escape this moment (although this is a common habit of many people). It is not about rejecting this moment for a future moment. Rejecting this momemet causes suffering because it takes us out of Presence.

We can think about our future and visualize our future in the present moment. The way we can tell if it is serving us as a good practice is by the way we feel. So, when we think about being thinner and we align with that feeling NOW we have created the very state of now that will attract what we want in our lives.

When we accept where we are, visualize what we want, and feel good about it; we have the ingredience for manifestation.

When you want to be thin-what you really want is how you think thin feels. If you can align with those feelings in this moment by imagining the future state of your body you will live in a way that creates a thinner body.

Your mind will be there instantly if you stay present with the feelings.

So Future Focus is not about being in the future in your mind. It is about accessing the feelings of your future body and feeling them now in this present moment of peace, joy and freedom.

There is tremendous power in knowing what you want in the future and being present with the feeling that genuine desire conjures in the moment.

When you do both you are practicing Law of Attraction and The Power of Now at the same time.

Don't Mistake Indulgence for Abundance

2008-04-17T20:16:00.000-07:00

Don't mistake indulgence for abundance

Abundance comes from within us
Indulgence comes from without

Indulgence is put upon us
dessert, sauces, alcohol
comfort, service, luxury
expensive clothes, jewels, spa treatments

Abundance is.

It's Being.

It isn't found in things.
It isn't found at all.

It emerges when unencumbered
It flows

It illuminates.

It attracts
Never ending abundance.

It never worries about not being enough.

Being is always enough.

It isn't stuffed, encouraged, managed or stressed.

Free from worry which pretends to be important

Free from....too much

Free from indulgence.

Abundance.

Self Coaching 101

2008-03-28T10:17:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are interested, I taught a class last night titled Self Coaching 101. It is now available for download at www.selfcoaching101.com for free.

You can also join the forum there and ask me questions about anything you learn in the class.

Enjoy!

I Hate My Thighs!

2008-03-21T08:34:00.000-07:00

I have a client right now who has worked so hard and made so much progress it is mind-blowing. I am not talking about the amount of weight she has lost from her body, but the emotional weight she has removed from her mind.

Last week, I had given her the assignment of looking at her unclothed body in a full-length mirror and writing down any thoughts that came up for her. It was the end of our session when I gave her this assignment so I did not realize the level of panic it seemed to create within her.

At our next session, she told me she did not do the assignment because she was terrified that if she looked at her body that way she would be filled with self-loathing and would not want to stop eating. I tried to explain to her that self-loathing doesn't just happen. It actually takes a lot of effort on our part to think all those negative thoughts, believe them, and then fight against the feelings those thoughts create until we can't stand it anymore and eat.

She understood this at an intellectual level (she is brilliantly smart) but on an emotional level the feeling was still terror. So we imagined doing the exercise together and then she went to the mirror and started to describe her thighs to me on the phone:

My thighs are huge.
My thighs are cottage cheese.
I hate them.
They're huge.
They touch each other.
They have tons of cellulite.
They are fugly.
There are veins on one side.
They are purplish.
My knees are big.
I have piano legs.
I can't see my ankles.
My feet are swollen.

This was very difficult for her to do. When she said, "I hate them" she burst into tears and I could hear the pain in her voice. But I stayed with her and kept asking her, "What else?"

When she was done. I told her that I would accept all her observations as facts that could be assumed true. (None of them could, but for the sake of this exercise I separated observation from emotional statements of judgment.) The only one that I pulled out as an emotional judgment was, "I hate them."

I asked her if this statement were true.

She immediately said no. She corrected herself and said, "I just hate the way they look."

Now, this may not seem HUGE to you-but it was. It was an amazing differentiation.

I repeated both thoughts to her and had her describe how she felt when she thought each thought.

Thought 1: I hate my thighs. Feelings: hopeless, despair, anger, pit of sadness

Thought 2: I hate the way my thighs look. Feeling: hope

HOPE????

Seems like a negative thought when you read it out-loud, but for her it brought her hope. It was a better feeling thought that was much more true for her.

And then she amazingly started to speak more about her thighs:

When I am present in my body, I love the way my thighs feel. I have great quads. They are strong and solid.
It is amazing. I don't hate my thighs. Who knew?

As a coach, these subtle shifts in consciousness fill me with a sense of wonder, excitement and joy. I cannot tell you how amazing it is to watch someone realize that their thoughts are not who they are. That the way their body looks is not who they are. That love has nothing to do with appearance.

I know from experience that she will never be able to look at her thighs and hate them or herself for the way they look. Once you have seen the truth-you can't un-ring that bell.

If that isn't a miracle-I don't know what is.

Eat on Purpose

2008-03-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

What did you eat today? Really think about it. Did you eat it on purpose or by default?

It was all I had in the house.
I was busy today and just had to grab something,
I didn't have time to eat until I passed the vending machine.
It was fast and easy.

These are all comments by my clients. These are comments of someone who is not eating on purpose.

Eckhart Tolle says, "Illness sneaks in when you are not present in your body."

I believe the same is true of obesity and weight gain. We check out of our connection to ourselves and how our bodies feel. We stop paying attention to how the donut slows us down or the candy bar spikes our blood sugar. We just toss whatever is available into our mouths with little regard to how it will serve our body.

Everything that goes into your mouth can be on purpose. Each bite can be a decision to serve your body and yourself. If you are living in an unconscious way and you feel as if you life is happening to you, start by eating on purpose. You can use each meal as a way to "awaken" and be conscious.

Here are some questions that can keep you on task:

Why am I eating this?

Am I eating this on purpose?

How can I plan on eating in a way that serves me?

How does this food feel in my body?

Remember that perfection is not required. Beating yourself up is never allowed.

Each day is a new day, and each hour is a new hour, to eat purposefully.

Start now.

Self Coaching 101

2008-03-06T09:43:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know- I am busy. Busy in a really good way. I am weight loss coaching a full practice, teaching classes for Martha Beck Inc., training new life coaches, planning an upcoming retreat for my weight loss clients, and starting a new website titled Self Coaching 101. You can find it at www.selfcoaching101.com.

What I have decided to do is to take everything I have learned over the past 14 years that applies to general coaching and create a free product for anyone who wants or needs it. My first passion is working with weight loss clients, but I also have many requests from people who want the tools and don't need to lose weight. By recording a class and opening a general coaching forum, I think I will be able to address this need.

I am going to be working with other coaches to create supportive coaching groups for anyone who wants ongoing support. I am going to be running a forum book club where I will delve into my favorite self help author's works in a way that opens up enlightening discussions. And finally, I will open my practice up to non-weight loss clients who just want to get the basic self coaching tools they need to have more joy in their lives.

I am very excited about this new project! I hope you will join me at www.selfcoaching101.com.

I also wanted to let you know that I will be posting my audiobook-If I am So Smart, Why Can't I Lose Weight-on my blogcast (http://blog.brookecastillo.com) at the rate of one chapter per week. You can download it for free starting today.

Look forward to seeing you on the forum starting March 27th!

A River of Friends by Natalie Gray (Guest Post)

2008-02-25T17:25:00.000-08:00

The following is a blog post from life coach Natalie Gray. I checked out her blog recently, came across this post, and loved it. I thought you might enjoy reading it. -Brooke

I was talking to a client the other day about her friends. She was upset because she didn't like the fact that her friends seemed to come and go in her life. I shared with her my analogy of what I think friends are.

To me, friends are like a great big river that flows around and past me. I am in the river, too. As the river of friends flows around me, I notice that some friends seem to be flowing at the same speed as I am, and they are the friends that I am privileged to be around at that time. Then, for whatever reason--the current picks up, I find a slower current, my friends find a faster one, I get caught on a "rock"--I find that the friends I was just with are no longer in front of me, and there are now different friends around me. The current of the river is perfect, the friends that are in front of me are perfect and I am perfect, and we are all flowing at the speed and in the current that is just right for us.

I've always loved this analogy, because it allows my friends and I the grace of our lives. It acknowledges that my friends and I will not always be in the same place at the same time. I may be in the rapids about a mile upstream from my friend, who is in the shallows ahead of me. I might be hanging out on the riverbank while many friends flow past and I get a chance to wave and say, "Hi dear one. Hope you are well. Catch you further downstream."

Another thing this analogy does is take me out of the driver's seat, in terms of my friends and who is currently in my life. I cannot control my friends (nor would I want to). I want my friends to know that WHENEVER they decide to contact me is perfect. I may be available or I may not. I wish the same for them. This free-flowing, accepting way of looking at friends has allowed me to make tons of friends all over the world and to love and accept them as much as I possibly can wherever and however they are.

Lately I've begun looking at the river not just in terms of my friends, but in terms of everyone with whom I have any kind of contact. These, too, are my friends, and some of them just don't know it yet. But all the same aspects of the river metaphor apply here, too.

PEOPLE are like a great big river that flows around and past me. I am in this river of people, too. All of us are flowing by each other at different rates of speed. And just like in the river of friends, in this river of people, we are all flowing past and around each other at the perfect speed.

Who is the river bringing in to my life now? As I'm able to let the river of people flow, without trying to control it (hopeless, I know), I find that I'm really interested in just who it is that is next to me in the river. I want to know more about this person, since the river as brought them to me. They're the gift to me from the river in this moment. Just as in the river of friends, I am not in the driver's seat when it comes to this river of people. The people appear, stay, come, go, reappear and disappear as the river takes them--all in perfect timing.

And because I am freely flowing in this river of people, and letting them flow freely as well (just as in the river of friends), I can love and accept whoever the river of people brings to me or sweeps away from me. I can enjoy them and our time together as much as I possibly can for however long the river allows us to float along together.

You can read more from Natalie on her blog: www.alifeofradicaljoy.blogspot.com

Stay

2008-02-19T17:13:00.000-08:00

I am listening to a Cd set by Pema Chodron (Getting Unstuck) right now. I am loving it and you should all buy it from amazon.com. She is truly a Master teacher.

One of her main teachings is the brilliant instruction to stay. The simplicity of the word she repeats in her beautiful voice sends tingles through my body. Stay. Stay. Stay.

We fog eat because we don't want to stay. We don't want to stay connected to our bodies and in the vibration of our negative emotions. We want to dull the vibration of our negative emotions by filling our empty space with food. We want to leave. We want to escape.

But what might happen if we stay? Stay put. Stay in the emotion. Stay connected. Stay still. Stay present. Seriously consider this. What are you afraid might happen? Are you sure this will happen? Does it even make any sense.

Stay.

Stay in the pain long enough to let it go.

Stay in the moment.

Stay in your body.

What I notice, is that when I stay still, the the emotion goes right through me. It is almost like standing still when a gust of wind blows in from the distance. I see it coming and know it is big by the way it is flipping loose objects about, but if I stay, it comes and whips right through me and is gone. If I try to outrun the wind, what I find is that I can never stop running.

You can't outrun your feelings either. Nor do you want to. Our feelings help us know we are alive and awake and in the moment. If you are willing to feel and not eat, you get to meet yourself at the deepest, most intimate level. If we are willing to stay in your life, you get the benefit of experiencing it.

Stay. In. Each. Moment.

Stay.

No food required.

Stay.

Complaints

2008-02-07T20:01:00.000-08:00

Those of you who know me, know that I am a sucker for self-help books. I have been in a reading mode of late-reading every good book I can. Oprah recently recommended Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth, on her show. I picked up the book and haven't put it down. I have been quoting it out-loud to all my clients recently.

It is a book I have needed to read.

Recently, I have been indulging in some complaining. I have made a valiant effort to complain myself happy. It is an uncommon activity for me, because I know that when we complain we are acting as victims and we cannot create from a place of victimhood. But still, no one is perfect, and the complaining seemed to feel good.

Until I realized it didn't.

Until my best friend asked me what the hell was wrong with me. She reminded me that everything I was complaining about was something I had chosen and created. And then she told me to shut up. I love her- so much.

I stopped complaining. I felt better immediately. Then I took each complaint (each thought) and did my work on it. It was long and hard work. It wasn't fun. All the turn arounds came right back to me. But when I was done, I felt alive and whole again. There is nothing like the truth to bring freedom back into my soul.

I learned so much from Eckhart. He says it so brilliantly. I hope you will pick up a copy of his book, A New Earth. Here are some of his words:

"Ask yourself, 'Is there any negativity in me in this moment?'....The moment you become aware of a negative state within yourself, it does not mean you have failed. It means you have succeeded. Until that awareness happens, there is identification with inner states, and such identification is ego. With awareness comes disidentification from thoughts, emotions, and reactions. This is not to be confused with denial.....in the moment of recognition, disidentification happens automatically. Your sense of self, and who you are, then undergoes a shift.....you are now the Presence that witnesses those states."

What this means to me, as a Master Coach, is that I don't have to feel inadequate because I feel bad or complain. It means that I have an opportunity to go deeper. I have the opportunity to become the Witness. This gives me the awareness that I am not my complaints, but something deeper and more peaceful. By recognizing that which is not me, I become more me.

Being perfect and doing it all right does not take us deeper into who we really are. It is in our glaring mistakes and misdeeds that we find ourselves.

This must be why I know myself so well.

A Recipe I Love

2008-01-29T18:01:00.000-08:00

I can't stop eating this soup. It is sooo good- I have to share with you all.

White Bean Soup

3 cans white beans(small white beans in lightly seasoned broth)
1 can fat free cream of chicken soup
3 chicken breasts, cooked and diced, (slow sautee in non-stick pan)
1 onion diced (sauteed in pan where chicken was cooked)

Spray pan to coat, sautee chicken slice and dice. Sautee chapped onions until translucent and slightly golden. Add chicken and onions to stock pot with the beans and soups. Season to taste.

I got this recipe from Energy For Women's Magazine the March Issue
Submitted by Deanna Colaizzi

Wanting

2008-01-18T16:07:00.000-08:00

There are two ways to want. You can want from a place of believing or you can want from a place of doubt. The only difference is pain.

When you want something (like thinness), and you believe you will have it, you most likely will feel excited and happy and motivated. I remember the moment when this happened to me. I had committed to taking better care of myself, and had been at it for a while, when it occurred to me that I would be thin and I would never abuse my body fat again. It was exhilarating. I was still in my heavier body, but I was bouncing around with excitement. I was happy; I wanted more and I believed I would get it.

Most often, new clients come to me and want with doubt. They want to be thin more than almost anything and they are very doubtful that this will ever happen for them. Even though they have hired me with mild hope that "this" will work, deep down they later admit that they don't believe it will.

It think this is why many people just stop wanting. "I want for nothing," they will say. "I have just accepted that I will be obese and that this is just my life." It is heartbreaking and completely unnecessary.

I do think it is important to keep wanting. Wanting more is how we grow and how we are inspired to action. I think what we want is actually very important information, that when followed, can lead us to the life we are most joyful living.

So think about what you want in your life and notice how it feels to want it. If it feels good, you most likely believe that you will have it. If it feels painful, there may be some doubtful thoughts that you can work through in order to unleash your inspiration to act.

You can follow these steps:

1. Write down what you want.
2. Write down the feeling associated with the want.
3. If it feels painful-write down why you believe you might not have what you want.
4. Evaluate these thoughts of doubt for logic and then test their turn-arounds.
5. Change these thoughts to thoughts that support your belief that you can and will have what you want.
6. Repeat as necessary.

What I want is for you to live in your body at it's natural weight and to eat in a way that feels healthy and invigorating to you. I am feeling very good about this want because I believe you can and will have it!

Inhabit Your Body

2008-01-12T09:09:00.000-08:00

I am reading Marianne Williamson's new book "The Age of Miracles" right now, and I must say I am loving it. I have been a fan of Marianne's writing since she wrote "A Return to Love" and "A Woman's Worth." (If you haven't read "A Woman's Worth" -you must.) The books she wrote after those two seemed to get political and too angry for my taste, but she comes back to the inward focus in this latest book and I love it.

The main message of her book is that as we get older we care less about the external validation and more about our own. She discusses the process of letting go of the "thought tracks" that were laid down in childhood in favor of consciously choosing our own thoughts. And she writes beautifully about how it is less important to figure out what we want to do, and more important to figure out who we want to be.

Here is a sample of her wonderful writing:

"There's little in life more satisfying than feeling that at last you've taken ownership of yourself. You don't have to be afraid anymore that some part of you-some fractal not yet integrated into your personality-is going to trip you up. You feel at last like you inhabit yourself. You finally went into all the rooms, turned the lights on, and settled in."

"Taking ownership of yourself" is something to think about. Have we really fully stepped into the ownership role in our own lives?

When we take full ownership and responsibility, blaming stops. We have no reason to escape our own pain, because we can now see that we are the ones creating it. In our past, the pain may have seem to come from the external world. As adults, we understand that we alone are the ones carrying the torch of suffering and all that is required is acknowledging this fact and putting it down.

Fog eating is a way that we attempt to escape ourselves. We use food to get out of inhabiting own bodies by focusing on food and feeling numb to the space of vibration within us. As we realize that we can change our lives by "re-inhabiting" our bodies, we may experience what it means to be fully engaged with life.

Ultimately, we learn that living our lives has very little to do with how our bodies look and much more to do with how we feel. When we learn this very important lesson, we eat less and we love ourselves more. Of course, this leads to weight loss. But we feel so good already, it hardly matters so much.

You can find Marianne Williamson's book, The Age of Miracles at amazon.com

My Client, Angela, Loves Exercise (What?!)

2008-01-08T14:33:00.000-08:00

Following is a post from my client, Angela. She is fantastic in every way, and I really do mean every way. But one of the things Angela hated when I met her was exercise. She literally didn't want to go into the gym, let alone work out.

Now I am amazed every time she sends me an email about her hour long workouts! She has literally rewired her own brain to like going to the gym.

She is an inspiration to anyone who wants to give themselves the gift of exercise.

Enjoy:

For most of my life I hated exercise. I dreaded gym class, played inside, and picked my college based on the fact it didn’t have a phys. ed. requirement. Periodically, I would give exercising a try. I'd go to the gym dutifully for a week or two, spending most of my time there just wanting to die inside when I would look over at the lean girls in their cute outfits and expensive sneakers. I was in a t-shirt and shorts with tennis shoes I’d gotten in back high school. Considering how intermittently I exercised, I told myself, it really wasn’t worth the money to buy nice things.

My weight fluctuated between 150 and 250 lbs but after having my first baby, my weight reached and all time high and didn’t seem to be going anywhere but up. The day I had my baby I was 315 lbs. – an 85 lb. gain! A year later I was still skimming the 300 lb. mark and the weight was making it hard to enjoy being a mom. I vowed, once and for all, to “get to the bottom” of this “weight problem.”

Five months later I had shed about 40 lbs and to celebrate, I treated myself to a seminar based on the work I’d been doing with the book “If I’m So Smart, Why Can’t I Lose Weight.” My intention was to stop hating exercise so much.

At the seminar, there was a “ropes” course challenge. I knew climbing a thirty foot poll only to face a tight rope walk was not for me. I sat it out. Later that night, most of the women were on cloud nine celebrating their accomplishment. Another woman shared my lack of enthusiasm. “I never would have done it,” she said, “if Theresa hadn’t asked me.”

“Oh,” I said, quickly, “if Theresa asked me I would have done it.” Somehow the scary parts of the course melted away in my mind at the thought of doing it for someone else.

On hearing that, Brooke retorted, “YOU didn’t ask YOU.”

She was right. Why would I have been willing to scale a 30 ft. poll and walk across a tight rope for Theresa – a woman I had only met a few days before? I was willing to take a physical risk for someone else’s approval and pleasure, but not for my own.

I thought of the number of times I promised myself I’d go to the gym and then broke the promise. I would never break a promise to a friend! But what if I changed the paradigm, what if I asked myself to work out as if it was Theresa asking instead of beating myself up that I should go. I returned home from the seminar and did just that. I invited myself to the gym every morning as if it was my best friend asking me out for dinner and a movie.

The day I was able to jog for 10 straight minutes it occurred to me. It wasn’t a thought or a decision, just an occurrence. I’m going to do a triathlon. We’re still a few months away from the event and my workouts have increased considerably.

I’m jogging and lifting weights for an hour minutes almost every day, swimming and biking a few times a week, and I just plopped a couple thousand dollars down on a fancy carbon road bike. I hired a trainer who I see 2 times a week for additional core strength workouts. I say things like carbon road bike and core strength work out! I even bought more than one cute work out outfit and an expensive pair of sneakers.

I’ve gone not just from someone who hated exercise to someone who loves it. I’ve gone from someone who doubted her abilities to someone who has confidence and excitement about what’s possible. I’ve gone from someone who put herself last, to someone who puts herself first because I know I'm worth it!

Respect

2007-12-29T21:12:00.000-08:00

"People don't respect me because I am fat."

"No, the point is you don't respect you."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, do you? Do you respect you?"

"No."

"That may be why you don't think they respect you. You teach them how to treat you."

Are you using fat on your body as an excuse not to respect yourself? Are you wearing clothes that don't look nice on your body? Keeping your closet and bathroom a mess? Shoving garbage in your mouth without paying one bit of attention?

You might say it is because you are fat that you don't feel like taking care of yourself. But the truth is- it is because you aren't taking care of yourself that you have extra fat. Self-respect is an inner process that requires work. It requires clearing out your mind of all negative thinking and self-talk. You will see the results of this work manifested in your external environment-including your body.

I find that you can do this work at the same time and it works even better. If you clean out your mental closet and at the same time clean out your real closet you have a visual manifestation of the work.

Many times my clients say they will do things once they lose the weight- I always encourage them to do those things now. To live in the state of self love and respect in a way that is abundant.

You might try pulling all the clothes out of your closet the next time you feel like overeating. I mean every last one. Put them in a big pile on you bed. Then clean your closet. Wipe it down. Vacuum the carpet. Touch up the paint. Then, replace only the items you LOVE to wear. Find things that fit you beautifully and are high quality. Replace clothes that give you a sense of yourself when you wear them. Get a huge garbage bag and fill it with items that you haven't worn in a year.

Pretend like you are the Queen and your closet needs to be organized, clean and presentable. Your closet can be a place you would be proud to show a friend on a tour of your home. Don't have it be one more thing you have to excuse.

You can repeat this process for the drawers in your bathroom and your kitchen. Clutter in your home is the same thing as clutter on your body; they come from the same disrespect for yourself. By dong the external and internal work at the same time, you are increasing your chances for success.

If other people don't respect you, that is their business. It tells you about them. What is your life telling you about you?

What Really Matters to my Clients

2007-12-21T12:03:00.000-08:00

It is that time of year when I hear from clients I haven't heard from in a while. They send me cards with pictures and notes in the mail. More often than not, they tell me that they have and are living a wonderful life. They thank me for the tools, I introduced them to, that have given them back to themselves.

The common theme in the notes I receive is that they now love themselves and have hope for their future. They talk about how they have improved their relationships with the people they love, gone after some long lost dreams, and increased their daily amount of joy. Then, without fanfare, they mention how much weight they have lost. It is usually a very significant number of pounds, but it is not the point of their note.

I love this more than anything. It confirms my belief that when we love and respect ourselves, when we create our own joy, when we take responsibility for a conscious life; weight loss is inevitable. But it is also secondary to how good we feel.

We come thinking that we want to LOSE weight, but what we really want is to FIND ourselves.

I want to thank each and every one of my clients for being a part of my life. I think of you often, and it is so fun to hear your updates. Each of you have taken me deeper into myself. Each of you have inspired me to remain connected to the person I have found underneath the fat- My True Self.

I love you all and hope you have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Wanting More Money Part 1 and 2 and 3 Posted

2007-12-19T07:53:00.001-08:00

Blog.brookecastillo.com

Greedy for What's Inside You?

2007-12-19T07:25:00.000-08:00

I love reading "O" The Oprah Magazine. It is my monthly non-food treat. It is always filled with great articles and interviews. This month, on page 19, it has a mind-pausing quote:

"Why do so many...settle for so little? I don't understand why they are not greedy for what is inside them." -Jack Gilbert (Poet)

Wow.

When I read this, every part of me resonated with it. I do feel greedy for "what is inside me," because it feels like it is not of me. It feels like it comes from something bigger and connected. I have found that when I look for what is inside me, the journey towards joy is successful; and when I am greedy for what is "outside" of me, the journey leaves me empty.

Find it within and then it manifests. Isn't that the message of The Secret and the Law of Attraction that we have all heard so much about? In my life, nothing seems to be more true than this premise. I have found more joy on a Tuesday sitting in silence than I ever did seeking gurus or on pilgramges to Europe,Figi, or Los Angeles.

I have found, within myself, a passion to live in a very specific way and I have listened. I have found everything that I was ever looking for in food, a mate, a career or a friend within me at each moment. It is magical, and yes, I am greedy for more...

Wanting More Podcast

2007-12-15T12:18:00.001-08:00

For those of you who are interested, I am doing a podcast series with my colleague Meadow DeVor on "Wanting More." We will be covering topics like Wanting more Money, Wanting more Confidence, Wanting more Friends, Wanting more Health, Wanting more Fun....and on until we run out of topics.

The podcast is free and can be subscribed to through itunes, itube or directly through my podcast blog at blog.brookecastillo.com.

Please Enjoy!

Being Myself

2007-12-15T11:41:00.001-08:00

In my practice, my main goal with my clients is to show them that they are spectacular. No matter what they think about themselves or accept about themselves- I encourage them to at least BE themselves.

In almost any situation a client can ask me what to do and I can answer with, "Be yourself. Tell the truth. The people who accept your truth are your people. The people who don't accept your truth aren't your people and that is ok."

I know this is easier than it sounds. I live my truth. I tell my truth. And, frankly, some people don't like it and some people do. But that is not relevant. I believe that I am meant to live in an authentic and genuine way, and sometimes that is just plain confusing.

For example:

I LOVE the work of Byron Katie and Abraham. I love to meditate. I love yoga. I can sit in silence for hours and not get bored. I love hiking in silence. BUT I also love Dane Cook and loud 80's rap. I love obnoxious laughter and having so much fun I get kicked out of a restaurant.

I love kindness-that deep, unabashed, loving, unconditional, I-would-do-anything-for- you kindness. But I also love sarcasm and mockery.

I love expensive cars like BMW and Mercedes-but I also love Velveeta Cheese and plastic plates from Walmart.

I love technology and email and iphones, but I also love nature and wild animals and our planet.

I am loud and in-your-face and bold, and then sometimes I am quiet and very shy.

I eat high-grade fuel for my body and then every once in a while I order and eat Nachos from Taco Bell.

I am a mass of contradictions. I am confusing and unpredictable. It is exciting and fun and scary and humbling living this life in a way that feels authentic.

I have friends who cringe when I swear and others who complain when I don't. I have friends who are Atheists and friends who are Catholics. I love them all deeply. I notice they have contradictions just like me. I notice they are as confused by themselves and by this life just as much as I am.

But what I also notice, is that when I live my life in a way that feels "Brooke," in a way that feels authentically true, I am happy. It doesn't mean I won't change my mind or switch directions or live in complete contradiction. It just means that I seek my truth and live it no matter what.

And the people who can stand it-stay. And those who can't-leave, and I can't blame them.

But I always have me. And that is enough.

Are you living your truth?

Unexpected Gratitude

2007-12-12T09:39:00.000-08:00

Two things happened to me this year that were unexpected, delightful, loving and overwhelming. I thought I would use this blog to share them with you because it's the time of year when miracles are in the air. I have a belief that the world and its in habitants rock, and here is my proof....

Thing that happened #1: I am going to have to make a long story short so stay with me. A few months ago, I traveled with Martha Beck, Meadow DeVor and Koelle Simpson to Montana to stay at the Paws Up Ranch. I realize that this alone is enough to be grateful for for years, but there is more. One evening while at the ranch I got into a golf cart drag race with a few of my traveling companions. It was dark and cold outside and the flap on the golf cart kept getting in my way of taunting my opponent- so I kept flipping it up to talk smack as we passed. (Of course we won.)

What I didn't realize was that during this late-night, mud-spraying, golf cart drag race my wedding ring had flown off my finger. I guess my fingers had shrunk because of the cold and in grabbing the flap of the golf cart and flipping it....well the ring could have been anywhere.

Here are the miracles that followed:

1. When I got back to our cabin and noticed the ring was gone I did not panic. Meadow did not panic. We went and looked for the ring-BUT NEVER STOPPED LAUGHING AND HAVING FUN. We did not argue with reality or let it ruin our night.

2. When I emailed my husband to tell him the bad news his reply came through, "Well, Christmas is coming." ARE YOU KIDDING ME???????

3.Now this is the one that takes the cake: The next morning we were driving to the stable and I was talking to my friends in the van about what had happened. The driver, WES, was there listening. Now Wes was not supposed to be there because he had said goodbye the night before knowing that this day was going to be his day off. So we were happy and surprised to see him. He had come in just to drive us to the stable because someone had called in sick. We said goodbye again when he dropped us off-and we hoped we would see him next year.

Much to my surprise- 5 HOURS LATER - I see Wes coming into the stable area with an envelope. MY RING!!!!!!!!!!! He had spent five hours looking for and finding my ring ON HIS DAY OFF. When he handed it to me I started sobbing. Those of you who have met me know that I do not cry easily- but i could not help myself. I had to go the bathroom to get a grip.

This was the most unexpected act of kindness I have ever experienced. I thanked him for ten straight minutes and all he could say was, "It truly was an honor." I am still not sure how he found it in the mud and gravel and fields-but I will never forget his act of kindness for as long as I live.

I wrote the owners of the resort a letter with a check for Wes. I insisted that they insist he take it. (Wes is the kind of person that would refuse it.) I will never be able to repay him for finding my beloved ring-but even more importantly I will never be able to repay him for this overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude that fills my heart at this moment just thinking about the experience.

Thing that happened #2: For those of you who read this blog regularly, you will understand how amazing this one is. I woke up this morning to the Fedex guy ringing my door bell. When I opened the box and looked inside there was another box with LOUIS VUITTON written on it. (Yes. Let's pause in honor.) My mind was racing trying to remember what I had purchased from Louis-but let's just say when you spend money at this store it is not something you soon forget and I knew I hadn't EVER bought anything from them,let alone recently.

And what should be inside????

A RED. PATENT LEATHER. LOUIS VUITTON. HANDBAG.

THE EXACT ONE THAT WAS MY "PUPPY IN THE WINDOW" BAG.

Brace yourself for this...

Guess who it was from?

ONE OF YOU! ONE OF MY READERS AND MY CLIENTS!!!!

One of you who had read that reference in one of my blogs AND THEN HAD IT SENT TO MY HOUSE FOR ME FOR CHRISTMAS.

I am in a state of heightened gratitude, appreciation and awe.

It is not about the bag. (Don't get me wrong-the bag is smokin hot.)

It is not about my desire for the bag. (Don't get me wrong- I am materialistic that way.)

It is not about it being the best Christmas present EVER.

It is about the THOUGHT. (I realize this cliche is so overused I shouldn't use it again-but I will because it IS TRUE.)

One generous, loving, wonderful, OUT OF THE BOX thought that literally has me on clouds today.

And you know what I am thinking????? What can I do to pay this forward? I want to be as thoughtful as she was.

I want to give someone the gift of OVERWHELMING UNEXPECTED GRATITUDE because I have had my fair share this year.

Are you in?

I Am Not Your Magic

2007-12-07T17:17:00.000-08:00

I took on a new client last week who had been on my waiting list for quite a while. After the first week of coaching, she lost four pounds. She was dissapointed. She thought that the minute she hired me she would lose ten. She wanted me to have a secret, a magic pill. She wanted me to say the perfect thing.

I explained to her that my work was about helping her access her magic. I told her that what she genuinely wanted was to feel acceptable, appreciated and loved. I could feel that way towards her all day long, but until she felt her for herself, she wouldn't believe me. She thought I could love her enough to make her lack of self love not matter. This is a common mistake.

I am so glad I couldn't give her magic or love her enough. If I could, she might become dependent on me. She might think her only way to be happy would be to keep paying me or move to my town. She would think that I had something she didn't. And I don't.

The only difference between us is that I don't eat when I am not hungry. I don't seek happiness in things outside of myself. I don't believe that there is anyone or anything "out there" that has something I need to feel good. I know that a thin body is not happiness, but the effect of happiness. I know that what I need is within me now. It is what beats my heart and warms my soul when I remove all the negative thinking in the way.

I am not your magic.
I am my magic.
And you are yours.

You First!

2007-12-03T22:02:00.000-08:00

Many of you have heard me talk about this before-but too bad. I have had to coach this so much lately that I wanted to give us all a reminder.

What is it you think THEY aren't doing or should be doing?

Come on. Think about it.

Here are a few I have heard in the last three days:

He should respect me.
She should not copy me.
They should be nicer to me.
He should compliment me.
He should notice my body.
He should acknowledge I have lost weight.
He should take me to nice dinners.
She should listen to me.
She could care more.
She acts like I don't exist.

Honestly, what we expect from THEM!!!

They should be able to do it all the time for us. No matter we can't muster a kind word for ourselves ever and we can't remember the last time we gave ourselves a compliment! But they better damn well do it.

When I tell my client to be more kind to herself, she tells me it is too difficult. She tells me that it is hard to remember. She tells me that she forgets. SHE CAN'T DO IT FOR HERSELF AND YET IS PISSED THAT HER BOYFRIEND WON'T DO IT.

When I tell my client to pay attention to herself when she feels like her daughter doesn't return her phone calls, she tells me she doesn't know how. BUT SHE EXPECTS HER DAUGHTER TO KNOW HOW.

I want my husband to stop getting frustrated at me when I forget things. I want him to be more patient and understanding. AND YET I CAN'T CUT MYSELF ANY SLACK SOMETIMES.

So notice, my friends, the next time you want something from someone. My guess is you aren't giving it to yourself.

Marianne Williamson taught met that A Course in Miracles says: "The only thing missing in any situation is what you aren't giving."

You want more love. Love yourself. You want more attention. HELLO SELF. You want kindness. When is the last time you were truly kind and loving to you?

You want a new, red, patent leather Louis Vuitton handbag?

Don't hold your breath.

Call me. I'll come with.

Shopping

2007-11-27T15:04:00.000-08:00

I love shopping. I love going to Nordstrom and buying clothes. I love knowing that I can grab a size 8 off the rack and it will fit. I love that I am not a slave to the trends I know exactly what clothes I like. I like the ones that fit my personality and my body.

I know what you are thinking: "I would love shopping too if I were a size 8." But here is my little secret-I learned to love to shop before I lost all my weight. I started by creating some rules for myself and they are rules I still live by. I thought that I would share them with you.

1. I rarely try on clothes in the store. I like to bring them home and try them on in my own home with my own lighting at my own pace. This way I can pair items with clothes I already have in my closet. If they don't fit right or match my shoes I simply return them.

2. I buy according to what looks good-not the size. If I bring home a size 8 and it is too tight I return it for a 10. If a size 8 is too big- I return it for a 6. I do not define myself by a number. I have no issue with a size if it looks good on my body. I would much rather wear a 14 and look hot than wear a 6 and have a muffin top.

3. I buy high quality clothes that are comfortable and have clean lines on my body. I do not like clothes that pull or bunch or that I have to fuss with.

4. I buy clothes that are in my favorite colors and look good against my skin.

5. When I buy a piece of clothing I try to put an outfit together. I find if I just buy one piece I like and I have nothing to wear with it- I will never wear it.

6. I buy clothes because I love them-not because they are on sale.

7. My last and final rule: For every piece of clothing I add to my closet I have to take one away. This keeps my closet manageable and helps me think more deeply about each purchase.

So no matter what size you are, find a way to love shopping. Even if you have to shop in the larger clothes departments-there are beutiful clothes that will feel good on your body. If you can start now,as you are losing weight, it will become easier and easier. Please don't put your shopping on hold until you lose weight. Caring about your appearance now is part of the process.

And finally, for the love of God, don't ever AND I MEAN EVER FOR ANY REASON put on a pair of high waisted jeans with a tapered leg. This is the worst thing we can do if we have extra weight. It is the worst thing we can do even without extra weight. Buy jeans that fit, put on a belt, and make sure the waist of the pants is NOT AT YOUR WAIST.

We can look hot at any size. Don't wait.

Does it make sense?

2007-11-23T08:33:00.000-08:00

I was recently speaking to a woman who was on a diet. It was one of those diets I have nightmares about. All she did was drink shakes five times a day. I haven't been on this type of diet for twenty years. When I drank my meals I used to blend some sickening powder in the blender with water. I guess times have changed. This woman was drinking her dinner out of a juice box container. I didn't say anything to her about this. I didn't grab her by the shoulders and look into her eyes and tell her that this WAS INSANE. I just sat quietly and minded my own business. But after she left, I was bummed out. I know what it is like to be hungry. I know what it is like to think drinking chemical filled drinks is the solution. I know what it is like to follow up a few weeks of liquid fasting with a huge storm eat. Painful.

As I reflect, it is unfathomable to imagine that I did this dieting myself. I still can't believe the food (was it even?) I put into my body in the name of thinness. One diet I went on had an entire meal plan that didn't need to be refrigerated. I ate full dinners that I pulled out of the cupboard-heated in the microwave and ate out of tiny plastic containers. When your starving anything tastes good, good enough to lick the bottom of the tiny manufactured packaging.

At the time it made sense to me. I justified this behavior because being thin was the solution to all my problems. I conned myself into believing that prepackaged, expensive deprivation would set me free. Now, I can't imagine how I falled for it.

I am not asking you to follow my program. I don't have a program. I am just asking you to ask yourself if what you are doing makes sense. Does it make sense to eat when you are hungry and stop when you aren't? Does it make sense to eat a fuel based diet? Does it make sense not to let your body get to hungry? Does it make sense to move your body in a way that you can keep doing over a long period of time?

Or does it make sense to drink a chocolate liquid out of a juice box five times a day for the rest of your life?

Unknowing

2007-11-14T11:22:00.001-08:00

I received this email in response to my last post on confusion. It is fantastic, so I MUST share it with you. But notice the difference in the feelings of the words "confusion" and "unknowing". Confusion is anxiety and struggle. Unknowing is peaceful and patient. Unknowing is not confusion. In fact, unknowing is knowing enough to wait.

I didn’t see a way to comment on your blog – so I’m writing you this email.

I totally agree that sometimes confusion is used as an avoidance of getting into the game and taking a risk. I’ve also found that there is a third option in addition to choosing between confusion and commitment – sitting with unknowing.

For me, this is the hardest choice to make because both confusion and commitment are action oriented and I feel that at least I’m DOING something – because God forbid I would do nothing. It’s true that confusion doesn’t lead to any external action, but it’s mentally all consuming – and – like you said – takes one completely out of the present moment. All that mental action is also exhausting.

But waiting – facing uncertainty and the unknown square in the face – this is the most scary and uncomfortable place of all, in my experience. Fear arises with the unknown and most will do just about anything to avoid it – including eat. And, in addition to eating, I would also beat myself up for being such an idiot/failure/fool for not knowing what the hell to do. I’m smart and smart people know what to do and don’t make mistakes. HA!

So now, (most of the time) when I’m in the place of no clarity and the choice to make is simply unclear, I quote this section of the Tao:

Do you have the patience to wait
till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
till the right action arises by itself?

And, while I am waiting, I feel the fear instead of getting lost in confusion or eat. Then, at some point, I just know what to do. I didn’t really make a decision – it seemed to just appear. As I begin to take this approach more and more I’m finding that it is the most efficient and effective “decision making” “technique.” And as a result, I’ve recently lost 10lbs.

Confusion vs. Commitment

2007-11-13T10:39:00.000-08:00

I have a client right now who has been at this a while and is very tuned into herself. She recently sent me an email about how confused she was. She talked about how she couldn't decide what to do or when to do it. And even when she did make a decision, she second guessed herself and then was confused again. She, very brilliantly, came to the conclusion that she must "get" something from being confused because she did it often. Being confused is a choice that she recognized she was making.

I replied to her and told her that I thought confusion is a way of staying out of the game. It is a way of not committing. It's a way of being on the sidelines. Confused people aren't in the moment and they rarely take connected and inspired action-they just sit in unproductive rumination.

After reading her email, I realized that many of my clients and readers are in this same place. Many of you are confused. "Will this program work for me?" "What am I supposed to eat?" "How much should I exercise?" "Should I even bother losing weight?" "I don't think I understand how to feel my feelings." These are statements I hear over and over from confused readers who genuinely want to lose weight. Confusion is getting in the way. Confusion is keeping them from taking action.

So, from now on, chose clarity. It really is as easy as making a decision. The statements would look more like this: "This program is going to work for me." " I know exactly what my body needs." "I know how to feel." "I will lose this weight." These are the beliefs and statements that define a commitment to yourself and your process. By saying, "I am not sure what to do," you lie to yourself and keep yourself from committing to your dreams.

The worst thing that can happen if you make a choice to believe in yourself is that you have made a choice to believe in yourself. You have chosen commitment over confusion.

It truly is a choice. Make it!

Nancy Doesn't Want to Eat

2007-11-07T08:47:00.000-08:00

Nancy is my mother-in-law. She has cancer.

We went to visit her the other day and there was a tray of food untouched by her bed. There was a piece of decadent chocolate cake on her night stand. I asker her about it. She made a blah face at me and said, "Doesn't taste good."

Nancy used to love food. She used to make a German Chocolate Cake and fight my husband for the crumbs. She used to worry about her weight. She used to cook and eat a lot. She always looked robust and healthy. She was always trying to lose weight.

And now she has.

She has lost 40 pounds. The scale reads 115. 115 was her goal weight.

The scale doesn't know she has cancer.

What is a feeling anyway?

2007-11-03T15:08:00.000-07:00

You have heard me say it often: "The only reason you eat is a feeling." Your thoughts cause your feelings which cause your actions. So you have a negative thought that causes you to feel a negative feeling which causes you to fog eat.

My advice is to feel the feeling instead of eating. But what is a feeling? What does it really mean to feel instead of eat?

Here is my simplified answer. "A feeling is an experience in the body, caused by a thought in the mind." Here are some examples of what I mean by an experience in the body:

Fear is felt as a heightened heartbeat, increased “flinch” response, and increased muscle tension.

Anger, based on sensation, seems indistinguishable from fear except for heat.

Happiness is often felt as an expansive or swelling feeling in the chest and the sensation of lightness or buoyancy, as if standing underwater.

Sadness is often experienced as a feeling of tightness in the throat and eyes, and relaxation in the arms and legs.

Shame can be felt as heat in the upper chest and face.

Desire can be accompanied by a dry throat, heavy breathing, and increased heart rate.

Ultimately the reason we fog eat is to distract ourselves from the current physical sensations, caused by our thoughts, to instead focus on the physical sensations caused by eating.

If we can learn how to experience the physical sensations caused by our thoughts long enough to change the thoughts- we will no longer have the need for the distraction of eating when we aren't hungry.

So next time you want to fog eat- sit down and document the physical sensations in your body; see if you can identify the feeling and name it; then try to access the thought and change it.

If you repeat this process enough, you will never be fat again.

You're Gonna Eat Candy

2007-10-31T14:52:00.000-07:00

Well, at least I hope you are. It is Halloween! There is so much candy in my house right now I could feed a small country. And yes, I am going to eat some.

The difference between this year and ten years ago is not that I am going to eat candy. I have eaten candy each Halloween. The difference is that I will not beat myself up for it. I will not fight against the urge and eat everything in sight. I will eat candy and I will enjoy it and I will not feel one bad emotion because I did.

So I recommend you do the same. Think about your favorite candy. Plan to eat it slowly and savor it. My favorite is mini Butterfinger. How YUMMY IS THAT? And I will most definitely have me a little Milk Dud box and possibly a Tootsie Pop or two. I will not waste my time with candy that is just ok. I am not really interested in a Snickers or a Hershey's Kiss. And I MOST DEFINITELY will not eat an Almond Joy. This is my husband's favorite candy bar and I seriously would rather eat spinach.

I will make sure I have a good dinner that includes some fuel and then I will go through all the candy in my home and in my kid's trick or treat bags. I will pick about 5-10 pieces that I know I will enjoy and then I will savor each bite.

Please do the same. Don't eat just any old candy until you feel sick. Don't beat yourself up over candy. It is so not worth it. You have a right to enjoy Halloween.

Pick your favorite treat and enjoy!

Tell Your Truth

2007-10-23T09:11:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was struggling with what to do in a highly tense situation. There were many people involved and some of them were having conflict and I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make the conflict worse by making the “wrong” decision. I struggled and struggled in my mind asking myself, “Which course of action would be most helpful and benign to the conflict?” When I couldn’t come up with the right answer I asked one of the people involved what she thought I should do. She looked at me without hesitation and with no agenda and said, “ I think you should do what you want to do.” It was amazing. Such a simple solution!

So I went inside myself and ignored the conflict and the people involved and asked myself for what I wanted. Immediately the answer was completely clear and the struggle within me dissolved. Literally it took one minute from the time I asked the question.

Later that same day this same person was struggling with her own decision concerning the conflict. As we were talking it became clear she wasn’t sure how to communicate with the person she was having a conflict with. She was trying to come up with the right words and the right behavior in order not to hurt this person's feelings and yet still get what she needed. Here is what I said to her:

Tell him the truth. Straight up.
I believe that we need to tell our truth, and when we do people will react.
The people who react with judgment and anger are not our people.

She agreed.

So what amazes me about this whole experience is that we both took seemingly very complex and tense situations and made them simple and clear in a very short period of time by asking ourselves what our own truth was.

By asking:

What do I want?
What is my truth?

We eliminated the confusion and found relief immediately. By eliminating conflict and confusion we eliminate many of the feelings that lead to fog eating. By remaining clear in our minds, we can remain clear in our eating.

Not sure what to do?

Ask yourself for the truth.

Anything I Want

2007-10-12T17:15:00.000-07:00

I used to dream about eating anything I wanted. I honestly thought that heaven was defined by eating whatever you want without gaining weight. I was 10 years old.

Today,as an adult, I experienced my childhood vision of heaven. I went to the grocery store with my kids and told them they could buy whatever they wanted for dinner. They both bought chemical filled Kid TV Dinners and Bottle Pops (don't ask).

I then decided I would give myself permission to buy whatever I wanted in the entire store for my dinner because my husband is out of town and I don't have to cook. After walking the aisles, I decided I wanted sliced salami, brie and a baguette. But more importantly, I wanted People, US and Oprah magazines. Interesting.

So we came home and put on Sponge Bob and ate "whatever we wanted". It was fun. I ate about 10 pieces of salami, about one-third of the brie and one-third of the baguette.

And then I felt sick.

So I got a bottle of water, my O magazine, and curled up by the fire and had a cuddle with my son.

Now, that, truly was heaven.

It's not about the food and it never was.

Eat or Feel?

2007-10-09T19:22:00.000-07:00

This is the choice we have in front of us. Anytime a negative feeling comes up we have the choice to go the kitchen or visit ourselves. So many times we tell our own selves to "talk to the hand." We ignore our need to feel. We ignore what the feeling represents or what it is trying to tell us. We choose not to listen. We walk away from ourselves and into the kitchen for crackers, oreos, or left over mac and cheese.

Imagine how we must feel when we do this to ourselves. Imagine what it must feel like to be ignored and "shut up" with food. Imagine what it is like to be burdened with excess weight and unfelt emotions. But you don't have to imagine this scenario do you? You don't have to imagine what this feels like, because you know. You are familiar with self neglect if you are overfed.

It really is a choice. You can choose to feel an emotion from beginning to end. You can choose to write about it in your journal in detail. You can choose to let a vibration go through your body. That is what a feeling is-a vibration in your physical body that you try to dull with lots of food.

So next time you feel the urge to eat, sit on your couch and feel. When you think you can't stand it for one more second-keep sitting and keep feeling. Don't fight the feeling with your willpower, allow it with your heart. Repeat until the feeling is gone. Notice the thought that caused the feeling.

If you continue this process you will find yourself and hear yourself. You will give yourself the attention you are seeking. You will be in your body without distraction-awake for each moment. Connected.

Meet yourself. You're waiting.

How are you treating your exercise?

2007-10-01T09:16:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I don't like to talk about exercise to my clients or in seminars. Maybe it is the revulsion in their faces, maybe it is the eye rolls, or maybe it is because I know they don't want to do it and I have my sales job cut out for me. Bottom line is that exercise is required and exercise is distasteful to many many people.

I think maybe the reason is that we mis-use exercise. Some of us use exercise the way others use people. We use it to get what we want. We use it to lose weight fast. We use it to punish ourselves. We use as proof that we are incapable of losing weight. If exercise were a friend of ours, or a person we knew, we could describe the way we treat it as downright rude.

We rarely ever spend time with it and when we do we complain the whole time. We get angry at it for not giving us what we want-namely pounds lost the minute we are finished. We say we are going to show up to see it and we don't. We make excuses as to why we can't spend time with it. We tell it that it is important and valuable and that we are committed and then we let it down time after time.

Think of exercise as the person in your life that is only there to help you. Exercise wants to give you health and vigor. Exercise is the person that wants to tell you the truth about where you are physically. Exercise is honorable, consistent, and true. Exercise is the loyal friend who is worth your time. It may not be exciting each time you spend time with it, but each time you do-you feel yourself getting stronger and stronger.

Sometimes I consider keeping people in my life by who I am when I am with them. If exercise were a person that I hung out with, I would know this is a person I want to keep in my life. Whenever I spend time with it I feel proud, capable, strong, and committed. I give myself the gift of exercise-not because of what I can take from it-but because I am a better person with it in my life. Weight loss or not.

Give yourself the gift of exercise. It is a relationship worth nurturing.

Are you bored?

2007-09-25T19:04:00.000-07:00

Do you eat when you are bored? What is bored?

Sometimes clients tell me that they sit at home with a to do list three pages long, kids that are craving their attention, a book they have been trying to write, dinner to make and yet they feel bored.

Even with all the work they have to do and many people to share their life with, they sit on the couch feeling dull and lifeless. This is when Spicy Cheetos sound exciting. This is when a lucious tub of chocolate chocolate chunk fudge brownie cookie cake ice cream sounds amazing. When life is dull and our thoughts are boring-food all of a sudden seems like entertainment.

I can't remember right now where I heard it, but someone once said, "There is no such think as being bored, there is only being boring." Ouch! You mean bored doesn't happen to me, it is something I do? Clients never like it when I inform them of this. They want to believe that boring is something that comes over them-something they can't control. But that is simply not true.

The first thing to do when you think you are bored is to ask yourself, "Why?" Wait for the answer. What do you hear yourself saying? Do you think you are bored because
"there is nothing to do" or because "everything is always the same?" Notice how these descriptions are passive. Notice how you have made yourself something that things happen to instead of someone who happens.

The truth is you can create excitement in your life and you can create joy. These are things you can actively do. They are choices. The more you listen to what you want to do and do it in your life the less boredom you will feel. The less boredom you feel the less exciting a bag of Cheetos will seem.

Get your excitement and joy from fulfilling your desires-not filling your stomach with unneeded food.

What if Food Had No Calories?

2007-09-21T18:02:00.000-07:00

Seriously think about this question. What if you could eat whatever you want and never gain weight? Yes, really, never gain a pound. You would still have to feel the effects of overeating like bloat and fullness and the ick of too many sweets-but you would not gain one pound.

Think about it.

How often would you eat? Would you eat all day long? Why or why not? Would you eat candy? French Fries? Burgers? Steak?

Or would you carry bags of food around with you and eat only when you had a break? Would you have two lunches? Three dinners? How many desserts? Would you wake up in the middle of the night to eat for sport or fun? What would you order at your favorite restaurant?

Let yourself ponder this and answer honestly.

Then ask yourself, "Why?'

What do you notice? Does it lose its luster when you can't use it as a weapon against yourself and your body? Does it lose the negative belief-proving qualities when you can't use it as the reason you are unworthy? Does it sound boring and dull to eat all day long? Or does food seem like a logical choice for joy? Does getting pleasure from food on such a consistent basis seem like a good idea?

Is this really what you want to do with this one precious life? Just Eat?

Imagine you’re thin. You can eat whatever you want, whenever you want.

Now what?

Never Settle

2007-09-18T11:04:00.000-07:00

Think about all the areas of your life and which areas you know deep down inside you are settling when you deserve better. For some of you it is your job, for others it is the state of your relationships, and for most of you it is your body and health. In these areas you know you want more, but you have accepted bad or good instead of great. In Jim Collins' book, "Good to Great" he explains that good is the enemy of great. I love this idea. It the recipe for a mediocre life, when you know you could have a fantastic one.

My longest, dearest friend recently realized this about her life. She looked up from her daily routine of work, kids, husband, house, and body and realized she was settling. She was going through her days on automatic pilot with "no complaints." She knew that things weren't as good as they could be, but she had settled for "good enough."

So she decided to do something about it. She decided that if she wasn't moving forward toward the life she wanted, she was moving away from it. She learned the lesson that there is no standing still. You are either actively creating the life you want or you are taking what you "get." She started connecting with her body and doing her emotional work and lost 20 pounds in a few months. She started looking for a new job, found one and gave notice to her current employer. To her surprise, her current employer came to her and offered her to name her price in order to keep her at the company. She is now doing the same job for almost twice the amount of money! And finally, she decided to more actively engage in her relationship with her husband to make it better than just good and it became full of compliments, not just absent of complaints.

I saw her in person recently and she was glowing. She was alive and awake in her own life. She seemed proud and full of self-respect. She wasn't settling. She was moving forward into the life she wants and deserves.

What are you settling for in your life? What do you want to move towards instead?

I Agree to Disagree

2007-09-12T08:47:00.000-07:00

I had a very interesting radio interview this morning. The show I appeared on is hosted by another Life Coach who is strong and action oriented. I loved her bold style and thought it would be very fun to appear on her show to coach a caller. The prearranged caller was someone who wanted to lose weight and because I am the weight loss coach, I was going to coach her live with some input from the other Life Coach.

I am always a bit reluctant to do radio and TV because of the way the shows are produced in "sound byte" segments. I find it difficult to coach someone or convey a weight loss tool in such short bursts of time, but I hadn't done one in a long time and was willing to try it out with two coaches, one client, and two six minute segments. It was challenging to say the least.

The best part of the experience was that the Life Coach and I had many different ideas about how this caller should approach her weight loss. As many of you know, I believe we need to uncover the cause of the overeating at the same time we are taking action to lose the weight. It is my belief that the weight is the symptom of overeating, which is a symptom of the thoughts and tapes playing in the head of the client. This Life Coach told me she thought I was much more empathetic in my approach than she. This might have something to do with the fact that I have struggled with my weight and she hasn't-but it could also just be a difference in our coaching styles.

So the caller comes on and tells us that she wants to lose 20 pounds. She is an actor and because of her profession has to face rejection on a regular basis and believes life would be easier if she were thin. She said her body image came from her profession. At this point, I had to interrupt her and remind her that her body image comes from her thoughts about herself and not from an "industry." I told her that I thought she rejected herself in her own mind long before she entered the audition room. She agreed.

But here is where the Life Coach and I disagreed. The Life Coach thought she should take ACTION and go on a diet and exercise and lose the 15 pounds so she could feel empowered. I thought she needed to unwind her negative thinking so she could feel empowered and from there find the motivation to exercise and eat less. I have been doing this long enough to know that if you take action without unwinding the cause of the weight in the first place, you will only end up gaining it back. If action were enough, the failure rates on diets wouldn't be so high.

So who's right? Well, we both are. There are people who can take action, get results and this will cause them to change their thinking. I guess I am the girl you come to when that approach doesn't work. I help my clients change their thinking first. I like this approach for my especially miserable feeling clients, because this approach can change how they feel immediately. They can't change their weight fast enough when they have 100 pounds to lose, that takes time; but I can help them change the way they are thinking and feeling immediately by showing them how much control they do have over their emotional experience.

So, for now, we can agree to disagree. The debate made for good radio, but I am going to stick to helping my clients from the inside out. I know, for me personally, that is the only thing that worked long term.

But I Deserve It!

2007-09-10T14:16:00.000-07:00

“I deserved to eat it.” I have heard this reason for overeating more times than I can count. Clients will eat at a meal even when they aren't hungry, they will eat dessert when they are already at 4, or they will eat at a party after a long week all in the name of "deserving it."

But let me tell you what you are really saying when you say you deserve food you don't want or need:

I deserve to be uncomfortable.
I deserve to feel guilty.
I deserve to jeopardize my health.
I deserve to be disconnected from my body.
I deserve to not really enjoy or taste my food.
I deserve to live heavier than my natural weight.
I deserve to struggle.

You do not deserve any of the above. It is punishing and unkind. Eating past fullness or when you aren't joy-eating is like turning your back on yourself and looking over your shoulder at yourself and saying, "Too bad, you deserve this." YOU DON'T DESERVE PUNISHMENT. Whatever messed up belief you have pulled from your childhood that you blame yourself for has no relevance in your life now. Punishing yourself for something you THINK you did in your past is useless.

Here is what you deserve no matter what you think you have done:

You deserve to be happy.
You deserve to stop eating when your body doesn't need more fuel.
You deserve to enjoy each bite of a joy food.
You deserve to say "no" to food when you aren't hungry.
You deserve your own love.
You deserve your own protection.
You deserve kind thoughts towards yourself.
You deserve to live in a healthy, strong and lean body.
You deserve the feeling of lightness and freedom.

So please don't eat some chocolate concoction in the name of "deserving it."

You deserve better.

I Don't Have to Worry About My Weight

2007-09-06T12:44:00.001-07:00

Either do you.

Worrying about anything is a choice.

As many of you know, I am a Law of Attraction freak. I think Esther, Jerry and Abraham rock. Everything I read of theirs resonates with me on the deepest of levels. It compliments the work I have been doing with my clients for years.

The basic premise/truth that I teach my clients is this: Your THOUGHTS create your FEELINGS- which create your ACTIONS- which create your RESULTS, and your results will always prove the original thought whether you like it or not. So basically if you believe that you will always be fat, you will feel fat, you will eat too much, and then you will gain weight proving your original thought.

The Law of Attraction says the same thing but uses different words. It states: Your FOCUS creates your VIBRATION -which is what MANIFESTS- which attracts more of what you are focused on. Same truth. Different words.

So, going back to worrying about your weight- the FEELING is worry. I teach my clients to find the feeling and feel it. Then, I suggest they find the thought causing it. (Remember all feelings are caused by thoughts.) In this case the thought may be, "I will never lose this weight and my health will suffer." (You may think this is a fact, but really it is just your thought.) The good news is that if you want to stop the feeling of worry, all you have to do is change the thought.

Easy, right?

Well, this is where the law of attraction may help me explain. The Law of Attraction basically states that we attract to us what we are vibrating outwardly. And if we stay with the idea that feelings are really the vibrations in our body, then you can imagine what the vibration of "worry" might attract. More worry. More things to worry about. Because, as Abraham would say, "When you push against what you don't want, you are giving it your attention and attracting it."

So worry is focusing on the worst. Worrying is actually thinking about what you don't want. If you are worried it is because you have a belief or a thought that is not serving you.

Ok, so what should you do?

It is actually quite simple. Focus on changing your thoughts. Unwind the crappy ones and think about what you genuinely want. You will know when you have a great thought because it will make you FEEL amazing to think it. The more you think about it, the better you will feel and the more of it you will attract into your life.

If you find yourself thinking the thought and you feel icky, it is because you are thinking about not having it. Reword the thought so when you focus on it, you imagine yourself having it and feeling amazing having it.

The thoughts and the feelings come first. Remember, you may think you wan the result (thinness) so you can stop worrying about your weight. But the truth is, you have to change your thoughts to stop worrying so you can take inspired action, manifest, or attract the result.

If you feel good, you are doing it perfectly!

The Beck Diet Solution

2007-09-02T09:11:00.001-07:00

Have you guys read this newer book by Judith S. Beck? She is the daughter of Aaron Beck, the founder of cognitive therapy. How cool would it be to have such an influential Psychologist as your dad? And not only is she an amazing cognitive psychologist in her own right, but she has applied it all to weight loss! Lucky for us!

I don't agree with everything she writes, and some of her exercises I plain disagree with completely, but it is still a worthwhile read. She talks about how our thoughts (cognition) are really the arena we need to be playing in if we want to end emotional eating for the long term. If you change your thinking permanently, you change you behavior permanently. This is the mantra that I wholeheartedly agree with.

What Dr. Beck does so well in this book is identify common sabotaging thoughts that many dieters have when trying to lose weight. Thoughts such as: It's okay to eat this; It won't matter if I eat this; I can't waste food; and I can't stand being hungry.

As a coach in this field, these are the recycled thoughts I hear from many of my clients. I help my clients identify and question and ultimately change their thinking. Although Dr. Beck has a useful 7 questions technique to change the sabotaging thoughts, I prefer using the work of Byron Katie to turn our thinking around. It is the same idea, and ultimately may yield the same outcome of belief change, I just happen to believe Byron Katie is the master in this area.

The other part of this book that I found interesting is the section, "Practice Hunger Tolerance." Although I disagree that you should tolerate hunger because you need to stay on some diet schedule, I do agree that learning the physical sensation of hunger is not an emergency is important. I agree with her premise that if you are afraid of getting hungry you will eat constantly to avoid the sensation.

In my work, this would mean that you would not get to the point of -2 and knowing what that sensation is like in your body. Allowing yourself to feel that slight hunger is imperative when learning how to connect to your body.

There are many other gems in this very professionally written book. I do think it is worth a read if you have the time. I hope you find some tools that resonate with you that can be added to what you may already be doing.

As always, and with everything your read, keep what resonates with your true self and leave the rest.

I have nothing but respect and admiration for Dr. Beck and the Diet Beck Solution even with my differing opinions on some issues.

You can pick up her book at amazon.

It's Not Easy Being Who We Are Sometimes

2007-08-31T22:28:00.000-07:00

I had a yucky experience today. It wasn't the circumstance so much as my thoughts about it that upset me. I realize that my thoughts create my feelings, but today it just didn't seem that way. It seemed like someone else was the cause.

Someone I thought was my friend, someone I thought liked me and cared for me and supported me, did something completely unexpected and it took the wind right out of me. I felt attacked. I felt like all the effort I had put into the relationship and my genuine desire to be supportive and loving was for not. This person attacked my character. They attacked my authentic being. They tore me down to someone else and seemed delighted to do so.

Well, that's my story anyway. That is the yucky story I have about the day. My story that is causing me to feel sad and angry and upset. I realize that what they said plays on my belief that if I am myself I won’t have friends. That if I am intense and loud and outgoing and bold that no one will want to hang with me, that they will think I am annoying. I know this is all my own garbage and none of it is true.

I have done my work on this. I have done three sheets of four question turn arounds today alone. I have taken a walk and talked to my husband. I have felt my feelings and been willing to be in it. No, it is not fun. It hurts.

But I didn't eat over it. I did my work. I was willing. I let it wash over me.

Martha Beck was the first person I ever had in my life who told me to be who I am. She told me to never apologize for who I am to anyone. And to never shrink for the sake of anyone else. It is great advice that has changed my life. But on days like today, living this advice is hard for me.

I can't control other people and what they think of me. I really really wish I could. I really wish everybody loved me and thought I was great. I really wish everyone liked my loud, intense nature. But then I would miss the magic of doing my own work.

Sometimes the love I have for myself has to be enough.

And it is.

Tahoe 2007

2007-08-30T18:10:00.000-07:00

Win the Lottery or Fog Eat?

2007-08-28T09:58:00.000-07:00

Ok. Stay with me on this one. You might have to read it a few times to really get what I am saying here. My work is all about belief systems and thoughts and how in changing our thoughts we change our lives.

Imagine that I come to your home to inform you that you have won the lottery valued at 100 million dollars. Let's say you believe me. I mean really believe that you have won this money. What would you feel? Really go there. Overwhelmed? Joyous? Excited? Ecstatic? Ready to jump up and down? What other thoughts does this one belief inspire? Thoughts like: I am going to be free. I won't ever have to work again. I am going to love driving a Porsche?

Now tell me why you are feeling and thinking this way. Is it because you won the lottery? (You didn't) Is it because I told you that you won the lottery? (I was lying.) OR Is it because you BELIEVED you won the lottery? This one belief changed your entire state of being for a short time. This one belief caused you to have feelings of joy and happiness. This one belief gave you a flood of new positive thoughts.

It is not the circumstance that gave you the feelings, because in this case the circumstance isn't even really happening.

Make sure you really understand this. Make sure you really get that it is not what is happening, but what we THINK is happening that determines our experience and our feelings and ultimately our actions.

So if believing that you won the lottery can make you feel so good, why don't you have me come to your house everyday and convince you that you have won the lottery? (Assuming that this is possible and you wouldn't catch on.) If telling you a lie once a day can give you a feeling of ecstasy, why not do it daily?

Well, some of you do.

You may not do it with the lottery, but you do it with food. You use food as a way of altering how you feel. You eat and tell yourself that it is comforting and that it will help and that it is your friend. You tell yourself that food is what you need and want and desire. You lie. And you believe your lie. And then you do the whole thing again the next day.

You give yourself a false high by telling yourself you have "won the lottery" when you know that it isn't true. You tell yourself that food is the answer when you know it isn't true. You live this superficial high of illusion and miss out on the genuine high of being you.

So maybe you didn't win the lottery. Can you really know for sure that you would be happier if you did? What would determine your happiness? YOUR THOUGHTS. If you decide to believe and think thoughts that serve you in a real and authentic way, you will enjoy a constant state of well-being. If you continue to tell yourself little white lies that give you a burst of elation followed by disappointment, similar to the lottery lie, you will continue on the rollercoaster.

You know the one. Thinness is the win. Overeating is finding out it wasn't true.

I'd rather earn 100 million than win it any day.

Impossible is Nothing

2007-08-23T11:52:00.000-07:00

"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. Its an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing."

How much do you love this Adidas campaign? I love the idea that "Impossible is not a fact. Impossible is an opinion." It encapsulates everything I try to teach my clients. Our opinions may seem like facts only because we have spent our lives trying to prove them true. We are on the hunt for evidence that what we believe is, in fact, fact.

But sometimes we are very very wrong. Sometimes we have picked up belief systems that don't serve us and are outdated. We recycle these beliefs and convince ourselves that we are "right" to believe them. When what we should be doing is disproving any of our beliefs that don't serve us.

"I will always be fat" is not a fact.
"I will always be fat" is an opinion.

Are you willing to change your opinion?

Food is Not Your Friend!

2007-08-20T20:39:00.000-07:00

Food is not your friend. Stop saying it is. Stop saying that you eat to be comforted by a dependable friend. Food is not, I repeat, not your friend.

Food is fuel for your physical body.
Food can taste delicious.
Food can satisfy physical hunger.
Food is a reason to get together with friends, but food is not one of the friends.

Here is a definition of friend:

Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more humans. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating on a consistent basis:

• the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
• sympathy and empathy,
• honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
• mutual understanding.

So let’s play this out to make the point. How much does food know you? How much affection does it have for you? How much does it welcome your company? Does it have the same tastes as you do? Does food engage in mutually helping behavior? Does it give you advice? Can you trust food not to harm you? Do you have food’s best interests at heart? Do you empathize with your food and does it do the same for you? Are you honest with food? Do you tell your food the truth? Does it tell you the truth? Does it understand you?

Oh, and here is my favorite question: Does food really comfort you? Seriously…..

Food just is. It doesn’t love you. It doesn’t hate you. It doesn’t care if you eat it or don’t eat it. It doesn’t care if you are sad. It doesn’t care if you are happy. Food doesn’t give one damn about you. Food doesn’t taste good on purpose so you will be happy. Food doesn’t try to be dependable so you can rely on it. Food doesn’t care if you like it and FOOD DOES NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND.

So some of you might say that you feel better after you eat something that tastes good. But is that really true? Think about it. How do you really feel afterward? Ok, so you might say that you feel better when you are actually eating it. I will give you that even though I am not convinced that it is true either. But while you are eating food, the reason you feel better for a very miniscule amount of time is because you are focused on the food tasting good and not your thoughts. Your negative thoughts are what make you feel negative emotion. And maybe for that one-minute you are eating a cookie, you are distracted from your thinking, and focused on the taste of the food. You just gave yourself a state change by changing your focus. You didn’t make a new friend.

If you need a friend, be your own. Read the definition above and see what kind of friend you are being to yourself. See how much you are paying attention to treating yourself well. Maybe you think food is a good friend because you are a terrible friend to yourself. Maybe if you put a little effort into being kind and warm and trusting and understanding and honest to yourself, you could beat out the Doritos and the Weight Watcher crackers in the “good friend” category.

Food is not your friend.
You are.

The Sandwich Experiment

2007-08-16T17:54:00.001-07:00

For those of you who have read my book, you know that I recommend eating according to your body's genuine and subtle hunger cues. This usually works out to eating a small amount every two hours. We call it "eating -2 to 2" based on a hunger scale of -10 (starving) to +10 (full). In the beginning, some of my clients have trouble adjusting to this scale, and it takes some experimenting to get a clear idea of where their bodies are on the hunger scale.

I have been trying out this new experiment and it is working wonders-so I thought I would share it with all of you. First, pick a day where you won't be going out to eat at all. You might want to plan this day ahead of time so you won't be set up for disappointment by having to miss an event. On the morning of the day you pick, make three sandwiches on whole wheat or whole grain bread. Use regular sized loaves that are pre-sliced. Try to make the sandwiches different so you will have at least some balance through the day. For example: Sandwich 1 could be a peanut butter (all natural) and jelly, sandwich 2 could be a turkey with lettuce, onion and tomato, and sandwich 3 cold be tuna salad or egg salad or even ham. Then take each of the sandwiches and cut them in half. Put each half into a zip lock bag. Then every two or so hours, when you notice yourself at about a -2 on the scale, eat a half of the sandwich. If you eat one-half every two or so hours you will be done by the end of the evening and you will not eat any more that day.

This has been very revealing for my clients. Some have been flabbergasted that they didn't need more food than this-they felt completely fueled and satisfied the entire day. Other clients had a very hard time eating only one half of the sandwich because they didn't feel like it was enough, but after a few minutes realized they were completely satisfied. And still others thought it was weird to feel like they were eating all the time and yet they consumed relatively less than normal.

This is what it feels like to eat on the hunger scale. Feeling light all day long. Eating regularly. Being fueled. Planning ahead.

THIS IS NOT HOW I RECCOMMEND YOU EAT ON A REGULAR BASIS AND IT IS NOT A DIET. I just want you to try this out for one day and get to know yourself. Notice if you want to eat more and why. Notice if you want to eat less and why. Notice if you get hungry or not.

The point is to notice.

I would love to know what you discover. Please email me at brooke@coach4weight.com with your findings.

Retreat, Dreams and Magic

2007-08-13T14:22:00.000-07:00

This last week, one of my dreams came true. I had a retreat for a group of brilliant, talented and beautiful women. The only way I can describe the experience is "Magical." It was supportive collaboration at its absolute best. The weather was perfect, the scenery breathtaking, and the caliber of women astounding.

We all felt so lucky to be in each other's company. We laughed. We cried. We laughed. We said things that were scary to say out loud, and held each other in supportive silence without trying to rescue each other. We truly lived the metaphor that the best way to help a butterfly break out of a cocoon is to BE a butterfly.

Although I ran the seminar and was the facilitator, I felt more like a witness to the magic. More than just coach, I created a space where they could reveal who they really are; and without fail, the quality that emerged was love. Funny, kick-ass, "smokin hot" love.

I thank each and every courageous woman who spent her time and energy with us. It was truly one of my favorite dreams come true!

See you next year!

A "Stand-Alone" Butt

2007-08-04T14:13:00.000-07:00

This? No, unfortunately this is NOT my butt. This is what I call a "stand alone" butt. (A stock photo.) This is a butt that can proudly walk around naked or wear a string bikini. This is most definitely not my butt.

My butt needs HELP. It cannot stand-alone. My butt has suffered the effects of storm eating and 2,000 calorie meals. My butt has been through two pregnancies. My butt has been part of a weight gain and loss of 70 pounds. My butt is tired and it looks it. It hangs in surrender. I only bring this up because I fully realized this by the pool yesterday.

I am at a beautiful resort in Lake Tahoe, California. The weather is gorgeous and the resort pool inviting. I went to the pool yesterday in my new bikini. It is a very cute bikini. I love this bikini on the hanger. But this bikini was made for a stand-alone butt. I realized this as I walked by the pool. Last year's bikini held my butt up like a good support bra. It held everything in and hid the effects of my emotional eating past. This bikini- that I now wore- told the truth.

But here is the most amazing part-I didn't get upset. Honestly. I didn't feel bad or beat myself up. I didn't hide. I didn't recoil in shame. I watched myself not care. I was fascinated that I could be honestly aware that that my body didn't look great, and I didn't care. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not one of those weight loss coaches who tries to tell you that loose skin, fat, or cellulite are pretty and lovable-they aren't. Truly they aren't. But what I realized is that it wasn't pretty and IT DIDN'T MATTER.

Many of you can relate to what a profound realization this is. It is mind boggling even to me, and I have been at my natural weight for five years now. I DIDN'T CARE WHAT MY BUTT LOOKED LIKE. I stayed and played with my boys and went down the water slide and swam in the pool.

Even when my son (he is 7 and way too into girls for my comfort) pointed out a beautiful woman with an amazing body and stated, "See her, over there, mom? That is what you should look like." I honestly didn't even flinch. I could appreciate her body without hating mine. Who knew? Who thought it would be possible to like a woman with a stand-alone butt? Certainly not me.

"I Don't Overeat When I'm Truly Happy"

2007-08-01T21:51:00.001-07:00

I spent this last weekend with three amazing women- all of us coaches. I haven't laughed this much in a long while. We had a fantastic time. We all have very sarcastic humor and we have no problem making fun of ourselves. I laughed so hard I cried. Tears. Hiccups. Crying. When I think about some of the things we did I am still laughing. It really isn't fair that we have this much fun at work.

One of the women I was with had recently gained a few (eight) pounds due to a stressful situation at home that she ate her way through. She had been struggling a bit with fog eating and was ready to get back on track. Throughout the weekend she repeatedly said things like, "When I am having this much fun I don't think about food. Food is not an issue when I am laughing this much." I know, fascinating right?

But haven't you also noticed this to be true? When you are doing something engaging and meaningful don’t you notice that you don't think about food as much? When you're busy having fun and truly enjoying each moment, don’t you notice that you think less about finding a way to be alone with a bag of potato chips? When a client tells me they found themselves eating out of the refrigerator unable to stop, I ask them if they could have stopped if Oprah walked in the room and wanted to chat. I haven't heard "no" yet.

So what does this mean? It doesn't mean you have to change all your external situations to be thin. It doesn't mean if you are in a circumstance that isn't fun that you will always be fat. But what I think it does mean is that if we add more genuine joy to our lives, we will fog eat less. If we diversify our joy away from food, we just might lose a couple pounds.

Test out this theory and let me know what you find....

And in the spirit of laughing out load, please enjoy this video. I have watched it dozens of times and each time I laugh out loud. Maybe we really are our own worst enemy. . . . .

What Happy Women Know

2007-07-23T14:35:00.000-07:00

I read a lot of self help books. And when I say a lot I really mean it. I sometimes read three a week. I would say I love one out of every ten I read. This book I love so much I am putting it on my blog. It is worth the read for every woman out there.

The author, Dan Baker, is the director of Life Enhancement at Canyon ranch and has been for many years. He uses real life examples from many different real women who I enjoyed and related to on many levels.

I am not going to pretend to do a literary review of this book by giving you a full recap, but I will say READ IT. I have underlined many passages and starred many paragraphs, and I will share a few here with you. But go get a copy for yourself and underline what resonates with you as well.

I was most mesmerized on the chapter Happiness and Health (Chap 9) for the obvious reason that I am a weight loss coach. He talks about how we define happiness for ourselves and how it is a very subjective and personal definition for every person. Some see happiness as a way of being, some see it as a sense of belonging, and others see it as a positive side effect of living a good life. But more importantly he states, "No matter. We can look at definitions of happiness until the cows come home. Without our health, we have nothing."

I couldn't agree more.

I tell my clients who are too busy to take care of themselves this over and over. Too often, we wait for something to go wrong before we pay attention to our health. What Dr. Baker is saying is that that absence of disease doesn't mean that you are healthy. He prefers the definition: "The optimal condition of being that allows for the ultimate engagement of life."

This is a quote by Jesse Williams M.D in a book he wrote in 1928. What a rock star this guy was!

Is your health (emotional and physical) in the optimal condition to engage in life fully? Are you prepped for the game of life? Are you taking care of yourself so you can be fully present in the moment? Is your health your top priority so you can be there optimally for everyone else who needs you?

Just wondering......

And if you read on you will get to the part where he talks about the ten qualities of happy women. See how many you have:

1. Believing in yourself
2. Knowing your True North
3. Taking Personal Responsibility
4. Having Courage
5. Being Altruistic
6. Embracing Optimism
7. Being Proactive
8. Appreciating Life
9. Sharing your Wisdom
10. Persevering

I believe I am a happy woman and I can assure you that I have all of these qualities in some small way. And the areas where I don't have as much, I am working on.

This is a book I will not just read, but I will study. Join me!

Are You Too Busy to be Thin?

2007-07-18T16:43:00.000-07:00

Do you have fuel meals ready to go in your refrigerator?

Do you have a regular scheduled time to workout?

Do you take the time to listen to your emotional self?

Do you evaluate your limiting belief systems on a regular basis?

If you answered no to any of the above questions ask yourself, "Why?"

Are you too busy?

When I question some of my clients weekly about these things, most often they come back with, "I didn't have time."

Let me remind you of something you already know-we all have time. We all get 24 hours. We decide how to spend that time just as we decide how to spend our money. It is more accurate to say, "I chose not to take the time to have fuel, exercise or take care of myself emotionally."

Saying, "I was busy." is an excuse. It isn't a good enough reason to accept from yourself. Find out why you are aren't making the time for yourself, your health and your well-being.

Be kind in this investigation. Be curious about what is driving you and how you are prioritizing. Don't stoop to judging yourself.

There is no such thing as "too busy." There is only the decision to not make yourself a priority.

Don't make this mistake. You deserve the gift of your own time to take care of your health.

Top Ten Long Term Weight Loss Tips

2007-07-16T19:52:00.000-07:00

Here is a question that I get somewhat often, "What are the top ten things I need to remember when trying to lose weight?" I decided to answer this question in my blog. I know that this somewhat repetitive for those of you who have read my book, but it's a good review.

1. Eat only when you are hungry.

This means stop eating the minute you are full. This means if you go out to dinner and eat all the bread in the breadbasket you don't eat your dinner. This means if it is lunch break at work and you aren't hungry- don't eat. This means if you are in the middle of a sandwich and you are no longer hungry, you stop eating.

2. When you aren’t hungry and eating for joy only, make sure you are eating something fantastic and tasting every bite.

There will be times when you want to eat just for the joy of it. I say if you only do this 10% of the time you can still lose weight. But the trick is to make sure you enjoy each bite, taste it fully and stop as soon as the joy of eating it fades. If you pay attention, you will be surprised how soon this might be.

3. Be curious about yourself-not judgmental.

When you do something that you think is "off" your plan of what you would like to be doing, be curious and try to find out why you do what you do. Explore the thoughts that lead to the action. Be kind and understanding with yourself. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt.

4. Believe it is possible to be thin without being mean to yourself.

You do not have to beat yourself into submission for thinness. In fact, I have found the opposite is true. Loving yourself and being kind to yourself is a much better path to permanent weight loss.

5. Feel your feelings.

Be anxious. (Don't eat.) Be sad. (Don't eat.) Be afraid. (Don't eat.) Be angry. (Don't eat.) If you use eating as an alternative to feeling you are most likely going to be overweight. The sooner you feel your feelings the sooner they will subside.

6. Stop expecting things “out there” to change so you can feel better.

Don’t wait for a better job, a thinner body, a nicer husband or a better tasting diet in order to be happy. You can be the source of your own joy by finding out what you love to do and who you love to be. By living your own truth, you can be happy no matter what is going on “out there.”

7. Even when you think you have “blown it” write down every piece of food that goes into your mouth and then read that list with fascination.

It may feel better to write in the food journal when you are eating fuel most of the time, but that is not when it is the most important. When you are fog eating and storm eating and binging and going crazy with food, you have the best opportunity to learn about yourself and why you do what you do. No matter how much you have eaten and no matter how big the binge was, write down every single thing that went into your mouth and look at it with kind curiosity.

8. Realize that eating when you aren’t hungry is not satisfying hunger or comforting you-it’s just making you heavy.

Notice the terminology you use when discussing food. “ I had my chocolate fix.” “ I needed comfort food.” “I wanted to give myself a treat.” Food is not a good source of emotional comfort and it cannot fix you.

9. Remember the past does not equal the future

We have all been on many many diets. Many of us have been heavy a long time. This does not mean that you can’t lose weight. You have been doing the best you can. And when you know better- you do better- and you look better….

10. Never give up!

Enough said.

.

Ok Ok Here are the Photos

2007-07-13T16:23:00.000-07:00

Many of you have wanted to see a photo of my family because I talk about them so much. So here is a photo of me and my husband Chris taken by Christian while vacationing in an RV. The other one is of our boys, Christian and Connor. Connor is the red head.

Prove Yourself Wrong

2007-07-12T11:45:00.000-07:00

I have heard the negative beliefs over and over. They are all some version of the following belief: "I can't lose weight; there is something wrong with me." I have also heard all the proof for this belief. It includes past attempts and diets, no motivation to exercise, slow metabolism, no willpower, and genetics. This "evidence" is spoken to me as irrefutable truth. The broken self-promises are all pulled out as proof that you are somehow broken and not able to lose weight permanently without a struggle.

I am here to tell you that you are WRONG.

I know that sometimes it is hard to hear that everything you have believed for so many years is a lie-but it is. I know that you might have been told that you have to go on some crazy diet or get surgery in order to keep weight off permanently. I know that there are many examples of other people who have attempted to lose weight and have been unsuccessful. But none of this is evidence that proves you cannot accomplish permanent weight loss for yourself.

You can lose weight, keep it off, and end the struggle.

Period.

I don't care what anyone else has told you. I don't care how heavy your mother is. I don't care how your sister struggles too. None of that means you can't be free from overeating and excess weight.

So I am asking you to prove yourself wrong. Be willing to admit that you have made a huge mistake in believing that you can't lose weight. You have really screwed up in perpetuating the struggle by believing that somehow you don't have what it takes to live in a body that is at a comfortable and natural weight.

It was hard for me to admit that I was wrong. I don't like being wrong (just ask my husband). But I was wrong. There wasn't something different about me that made it impossible to lose weight. I was wrong when I believed my mother when she told me, "You will always be a big girl, and you will always have to watch your weight." She was wrong and I was wrong to believe her.

I am tall-not big. And I don't have to watch my weight; I have to watch my beliefs. And when I find one that is not serving me or working for me, I am willing to prove myeslf wrong.

Are you willing to prove yourself wrong?

My Brother Matt

2007-07-09T14:17:00.000-07:00

First, let me start by saying that my brother Matt is one of my favorite people on the planet. He is kind, funny, emotionally intelligent; and watching him play endlessly with his one-year old daughter is enough to make my heart explode. But that is all beside the point. The reason I mention Matt here on my weight loss blog, is because he is thin naturally.

I mean he has the body many of us want- just add boobs. He has a six-pack. He is tan. He is thin.

I watch him eat as a sport. I ask him endless questions about food and what he likes and what it's like to never worry about getting fat. I am fascinated when he pays more attention to the conversation than to his plate. I watch how carefully he orders exactly what he wants. I study him as he orders dessert (or not) based on how much time we have for the meal. (As if that is relevant.)

Matt is what I am trying to teach my clients. Matt is the gold standard for eating when you are hungry and truly enjoying a joy eat. Matt does not feel guilty when he dips his pizza in mayonnaise (he ran out of ranch one day and found something he liked even better.) Matt would never consider beating himself up over a bowl of his favorite coffee ice cream.

So many of my clients believe that if they had what Matt has-carefree thinness- then they would be happy. Is it true? When I compare in my mind my client who weighs 270 and Matt on the happiness scale I can’t decide who wins. My client has so much in her life and so does Matt. Does the fact that my client is heavy make her less happy than thin Matt?

I don't think so.

They are both very happy in many ways and both still struggle in many ways. Matt worries about being good enough in his life and she worries about being good enough in hers. Who of us doesn’t? The fact that Matt doesn't worry about his weight or food doesn't automatically give him more joy than someone who does.

It's not that we are overeating. It is what is causing us to overeat. And what causes us to eat may cause someone like Matt to smoke (he recently quit.) We manifest it differently, but we all have negative beliefs and insecurities that cause us to run and hide from ourselves.

So although I often look at Matt and dream about what it would be like to eat anything I want all day long and not gain one pound, I do not wish I could change places with him. I know that he has his work just as I have mine. The only thing I might envy in him is that he doesn't believe losing weight is the secret to his happiness.

Happiness is the Consequence of Personal Effort

2007-07-05T13:13:00.000-07:00

"Happiness is the Consequence of Personal Effort" -Liz Gilbert

Notice that Liz, author of "Eat, Pray, Love" does not say that happiness is the result of personal punishment. She doesn't say that if you beat yourself up enough and starve yourself enough and then work out hard enough so you can barely stand enough that you will be happy. She says that you make an effort to be happy.

So many of my clients tell me they will be happy after they beat themselves into submission with a rigorous diet. They say they will be happy when they are thin. They say they wil be happy when their career takes off. But happiness is something only you can work at. Being kind to yourself and having compassion for yourself can connect you to yourself and the happiness that is already residing within you.

You cannot go on a path of self-criticism and expect to find joy at the end. The path of self-critism and self-punishment leads to pain. Always has.

Feeling Icky

2007-06-28T10:33:00.000-07:00

This past week I have been going through something and I feel "icky." So whenever this happens to me I always use my own tools on myself. I was trained by Martha Beck and she taught me that you have to "live it to give it," and so I have been really living it.

Here is how I have worked through my own feelings and how I work with my clients:

Name the feeling: Feeling is “icky.”

First thing I do is try to find the THOUGHTS causing icky. This is much harder than it sounds. What I really want to do is find the person or the circumstance I can blame for feeling icky. So that is where I, and most of my clients, like to go first. So I think about everything they are doing wrong and how they aren't treating me well and how they could treat me better. This feels good for a few minutes, and then I realize I still feel icky. I would really like them to call me up and apologize. I would like them to tell me that I am the best thing that ever happened to them. I would like them to send me emails praising me and my abilities. I would like them.....well you get the picture. If only other people would cooperate and follow the manual of how we would like them to behave. Life would be so much better. Right?

So after I go around with this for about two hours, two days or more, I come back to finding my thoughts that are causing the icky. I close the book on the manual for everyone else and I open myself up to taking responsibility for how I am feeling. I sit alone and write down the thoughts that I am thinking that are causing my feelings. Here is what I came up with this week:

I am not very good at this.
I am not as smart as Jenny.
They aren't going to want me.
I can't do it right.
I screwed it all up.
I am too intense.
I am too over the top.
I am over confident.
I knew if I really was myself no one would like me.
This is hopeless.

Wow. I wonder why I am feeling icky? Duh!

Ok, so next step is to evaluate these thoughts and see if they are true and stick to the facts. So here are the facts of the situation:

She says she is having a hard time implementing my idea.
I have received 5 emails of appreciation for this idea.

Here are the turn arounds on my thoughts:

I am very good at this.
I am as smart as Jenny.
They do want me.
I can do it right.
I did not screw it up.
I am not too intense.
I am not over the top.
I am confident.
I am myself, and lots of people like me
This is hopeful.

Ok, so now I read this list and I check for authenticity. I am not trying to lie to myself and say I believe the turn arounds if I don't. But I do want to see if they are equal grains of truth. I can see that I am good at what I do. I can see that Jenny is brilliant and much better at some things than I will ever be, but I am smart in my own ways. I have much evidence that they want me and like what I am doing. I have no evidence that I have screwed anything up, and I know this is just my own self-inflicted drama. Too intense for what? How can I be too intense? I am intense and that is ok. In fact, many people have told me they like my intensity. My husband is always telling my not to dilute myself. My friends tell me they don’t want "Brooke Lite." I am over the top and that is ok. Part of being over the top means I take big risks and I wouldn't have it any other way. Yes, I am confident in my abilities and I am not over-confident because I am open to feedback and listen to it very empathetically and thoughtfully. And finally, this is hopeful. I am willing to suck at it and I am willing not to be perfect. That feels good to me.

Whenever I do this work on myself-which is usually daily- I have so much admiration for my clients. This work is hard, and sometimes I feel raw and exposed and want to crawl into a bag of Doritos and hide. I know that is how they feel much of the time, and it helps that I COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY understand.

Life would be so much easier if everyone was unconditionally accepting of everything we do. But the truth is, we can only expect that of ourselves. How in the world can we expect other people to shower us with appreciation when we can't even do it for ourselves? How can we expect them to have positive thoughts about us, when our thoughts about ourselves are negative and untrue? We can't.

Even if everyone would follow our manual and behave in a way that made us feel good, we would still have to work on ourselves. There really is no way around it if we want to have joy.

So after doing this work with myself I may not be feeling joyous; but I am somewhere in between icky and joy. And that is a heck of a lot better than feeling icky and having my stomach full of Ben and Jerry's. It's progress, but not perfection.

What Can Fat Really Do?

2007-06-21T12:45:00.000-07:00

Before I ever work with a client, I send them a six page pre-work questionnaire. One of the questions in the pre-work is, "Why are you overweight?" I am always interested to read the answer to this question in particular because it shows me time and time again how much undeserved power we give to fat.

Here are some typical summarized answers:

I am fat because it protects me from being hurt.
I am fat so I won't get male attention.
I am fat so my husband won't want to have sex with me.
I am fat so I won't be tempted to leave my husband.
I am fat so I won't be threatening to my friends.
I am fat so people won't expect too much from me.

But the truth is, fat cannot do this for us. Fat does not have emotional power. Fat is tissue. Fat just sits there.

Even if you want to make the argument that society is not as respectful to overweight people, I can give you many examples where that is just not true. Oprah is the one who consistently comes to mind. And most of us know someone personally who is overweight, who doesn't seem to notice. They have lovers and money and success. Fat hasn't "done" anything for or against them.

So if it isn't the fat holding us back, what is it?

It is what we make the fat mean. It is the thoughts we have about ourselves and our bodies that cause the feelings. Our thoughts are what have the power, not the tissue on our thighs.

We use fat as our excuse for not living fully.

But the fat is innocent.

Our negative thoughts are to blame.

Turn them around.

Be Willing to Suck at It

2007-06-16T17:34:00.001-07:00

I received an email this week from a client who had ordered my Coach in a Box product. She told me she was getting a lot out of the product, but noticed that in my book and in my workbook I used the wrong tense often and there were too many typos.

After reading this email, I reminded myself that I really have no business being an author. Half the time I don' t know where to put a comma, what tense is appropriate and I consistently end sentences in prepositions. The only reason I know about the prepositions is that my mother (who is the one who should be an author) points this out to me regularly. Otherwise I am sure I wouldn’t even notice.

I did try to get someone to write the book for me. I really did. I hired a ghostwriter because one of my coaches told me it was very common and "everyone" does it. When I got the first chapters back, the grammar was perfect, but the content was ridiculous. This guy knew about writing, but he didn't know anything about emotional eating. So I had to write the book myself. I did hire an editor, but not even she could catch all the mistakes on the first round. It was that bad.

But here is the thing-I was willing to suck at it. When I train new coaches I have to remind them regularly to be willing to be imperfect, be willing to make mistakes, and be willing to do a terrible job. It really is the only way we can improve and get better at anything. I realize this is easier said than done. Putting yourself out there without "being perfect," automatically opens you up to all sorts of constructive and non-constructive criticism. Just reading the reviews on Amazon can send some of my fellow author/coaches into bed for days. It means someone might think less of you or lose respect for you. They may even laugh and make fun of you.

So I could have waited until I learned better grammar to write a book. I could have let the ghostwriter turn out an error free product. Or I could have obsessed about how I will never in 20 million years write a book as well as Harvard educated Dr. Martha Beck. But I didn't. I sucked at it. And if I hadn't been willing to suck at it, I wouldn't have received this email about the very same book:

Brooke,

A friend gave me your book, If I Am So Smart, Why Can't I Lose Weight? Like millions of others, my friend and I have wrestled with our weight since childhood. I've always said that no one knows more about losing weight than a fat person. I am pleased to eat (metaphorically) those words! I've been 'moved' by many things, including holding a length of hardened artery removed from my mother; but nothing has ever moved me the way your book has. You put things into a perspective I can finally grasp and call my own. I have been crying for the past couple of hours. I know I'm crying because I feel deep hurt at how I've treated me, and I'm crying because for the first time in my life I feel so much hope I can hardly handle it. Both reasons are good, and I'm so thankful you had the experiences you did so you could write this book. There's so much more I want to say, but don't have the time, as I'm at work. I keep a journal, and if you don't mind, I'd like to share my experiences with you from time to time.

God Bless You

Rondi

What gifts are you selfishly hoarding because you aren't willing to suck at it? Your "Rondi" is waiting.

The Power of One Thought

2007-06-11T11:54:00.000-07:00

When I am coaching a client, I am always trying to help them find their thoughts and evaluate them. So many of us never take the time to think about what we are thinking. Huh? We just think by default and we believe what we are thinking because we usually don't pay enough attention. Living a conscious life is about choosing what thoughts to believe.

Here is an example from my own life of two different thoughts:

1. I have to go to the gym or I will gain weight and get fat.

2. I want to go to the gym so I can continue to feel this fit and strong.

These thoughts seem to say about the same thing, but they sure do feel different to me. When I think thought #1 I get an image of myself fat and out of shape and out of a job. I feel lethargic and lazy and full of dread. When I think thought #2 I get an image of a fit body. I feel proud and strong and capable.

This is not some positive thinking mumbo jumbo affirmation. I don’t' have to talk myself into believing thought #2. I am not consciously trying to think something I don't believe like, "I have a perfect movie star body." I could also easily believe thought #1. But what I notice, is that when I think about what I want instead of what I don't want, I feel better and I do more.

It always goes back to the model that- what you believe is what you think over and over- and what you think is how you feel-and how you feel is how you act- and how you act gives you the result. So, in this case, the action and the result may be the same either way, but I find it much more fun to function from thoughts that I consciously choose.

What are you consciously or unconsciously thinking?

What is the point of being thin?

2007-05-28T19:56:00.000-07:00

So many of us miss it. We get so focused on counting calories and being hungry that we forget that the reason we want to be thin is so we won’t be miserable. And then we proceed to self-inflict misery through dieting and deprivation. Thin misery vs. fat misery, it is still misery.

There is a huge difference between a healthy, strong, well-fueled body and a thin, malnourished, tired body. One brims with vitality and energy and vigor. It is sturdy and solid. It is connected-it is an example of self-love. The other is withered and weak and wanting. It is frail and listless, panicked and hungry. It is deprived and longing for care and self-love. It finds no joy in being thin.

I recently met a woman who was thin and miserable. She smiled at me when she talked, but her eyes looked sad. She told me how terrified she was to gain the weight back and asked me if I could help her stay thin. When I asked her why she was so terrified to gain it back, she said, “I don’t want to be unhappy again.” I asked her if she was happy now. She looked back at me like I was missing the point. But I hadn’t missed the point, she had.

When you create a lifestyle that helps you manifest your vitality- you feel more alive. The more alive you feel, the less concerned you are with the size of your jeans. You feel happy about being happy. The joy comes and the desire to fog eat diminishes, and that alone is a huge reward. Of course the less you fog eat the more weight you lose, but that becomes the side effect of joy and not the only endgame.

The difference in the amount of joy you will feel between a size 10 and a size 8 is really miniscule. It is hardly worth the worry if you feel strong and capable and energized. But the difference between obesity and health is huge. It is a shift in your identity worth taking. It will increase the quality of your relationship with yourself.

Being thin for the sake of being thin is empty. Being at your natural weight by eliminating all the reasons you have for fog eating and not caring for yourself is the point. Change the question from, “How do I look?” to “How to I feel?” Then you have got it.

Why is weight loss so slow?

2007-05-05T15:19:00.001-07:00

MAY 2007

“There are no failures, only quitters.” –Russell Simmons

“Why is weight loss so slow?”
I have many clients who come to me hoping I will be the magic pill for them. They want to read my book, have some coaching sessions and be thin-instantly. They want me to be the “drive through of weight loss”-instant relief from the pain of being fat.
But my process is not quick and instant. There are other programs out there that deliver faster results. Go on any restrictive diet and follow it religiously, and you will lose weight quickly. It is sooooo tempting to do this, isn’t it? Isn’t it tempting to see the scale move down so you can have some relief from the negative thinking?
This desire for the instant result can also happen when I have clients I have been working with for a long time and they hit a plateau. They sometimes want me to tell them exactly what to eat so they will lose weight faster. And, although I think it is important to change up the fuel now and then and experiment with what fuel feels good in your body; I do not think it is a good idea to resort to quick fixes.
Slow weight loss is permanent weight loss. It isn’t exciting and glamorous. And it certainly isn’t instant. It doesn’t provide the drama of regaining it all back pound by pound either. And most of us know what it is like to intensely diet only to regain the weight and more. I will tell you that this is hard to watch as a coach. Sometimes clients insist on restricting their intake below the hunger scale so they can lose weight quickly, which by the way, is mostly water weight. I silently watch as they get excited over the scale moving down. And no matter how much I try to soften the blow by encouraging them to listen more closely to their bodies and allow joy eating, the euphoria of five pounds down on the scale temporarily wins.
I wait patiently to get past this stage of desperation and restriction. And then sometimes I watch the client regain some weight because they can no longer stay so restrictive with their food, and they are just too damn hungry not to eat. It is challenging for me to listen to my client’s joy flat line as the scale numbers go back up. I know how that feels and it is a difficult thing to watch.
But that is when the real work can begin. When we give up on the magic pill that is when we learn that we are the magic they have been looking for. We have the ability to work hard and feel good about being strong enough to take the journey. We can feel empowered while developing patience with ourselves, and our bodies. And most importantly, we hopefully learn that we don’t have to wait to be thinner to feel good. We don’t have to wait for the scale to give us permission to smile. We can feel at ease in our bodies now.
The results that can be instant and fast are in how you feel. By learning how to change your thoughts and feelings, you can have the instant result of feeling better within your body and at the weight you are now. When you do this work and feel better now, you won’t be in such a hurry to lose weight. You will find that you have the patience to do it right so it can be long lasting and no longer a struggle.
Being light begins on the inside and radiates out. It is a feeling first and a manifestation next. Eating fuel and exercising is the only non-surgical way to lose weight permanently. Learning how to deal with the emotions that cause fog eating and changing the amount of joy in your life is something you can do right now-while you are losing weight slowly.
If you lose weight in a kind, gentle and self-realizing way, you will have the rest of your life to be thin.
With wishes of much joy,
Brooke

Secrets Are Fattening

2007-04-10T16:19:00.000-07:00

Secrets are Fattening

If there is one thing I have learned about weight through coaching is that secrets are more fattening than any amount of donuts or French fries.

I am not talking about a secret that you keep because you are a private person. I am talking about festering secrets. I am talking about things that you have done or things that have been done to you that you make mean something awful. Then you hide it deep within and try to cover it up with fat.

Secrets that harm are heavy to carry, hard to hide, and poison to a joyous life.

Sometimes the secret is something from your past. It is usually something you judge and use for unwarranted self-loathing because of how you interpret it. Here are a few of many examples that I have heard over the years from my clients-secrets they had never told anyone:

My mother beat me when I was a child.
My husband hits me sometimes.
I hide candy bars in my drawer.
I had an abortion.
I storm eat in drive-thrus.
I cheated on my husband.
I was molested.
I ate an entire pizza myself.

Clients usually come to me and tell me they have something they want to share with me. Sometimes they are terrified to say the secret out loud. They can't imagine anyone would understand and not judge them. I promise them that I won't. And I never do. There has never been anything a client has told me that made me think less of them. Never have I agreed with their assessment that they are somehow less-than or damaged. There is nothing they could have done or will do that would ever take away the essence of who they are. I see only that we are all trying to do the best we can. And granted, sometimes our best doesn't seem very good, but that never can change who we are at our core.

So what is your secret?

Is there something you think you can't tell anyone? Is there some deep dark thing that you need to keep buried under layers of fat and shame? If not, then feel blessed and skip this part. But if you do have a festering issue, I strongly encourage you to say it out loud to someone you trust. Then, ask yourself what you think your secret means. What do you think it says about you?

My mother beat me...which means I am unlovable and not normal.
I hide candy bars.....I am bad and deceitful and have to hide my desires.
I had an abortion....which means I am a sinner and unworthy.
I storm eat in drive-thrus....which means I am out of control.
I cheated on my husband....which means I am an awful, horrible woman.
I was molested.....which means I am damaged and unstable.
I ate an entire pizza myself....which means I am crazy and out of control.

It is so important to understand that it isn't the circumstance of what we did or what happened to us; it is what we make it mean that hurts us in our life. I truly believe that there is nothing that happened to us that can't be released from negative meaning. We can see our past for what it is. Something that happened the way it happened. Period.

My mother beat me.....This has to do with her pain-I am lovable.
I hide candy bars.......I must need more sweetness in my life.
I had an abortion......It was a decision I made-not an identity I have.
I storm eat in drive-thrus....I can see that I deserve better.
I cheated on my husband.....I was looking for love externally and couldn't find it.
I was molested.......It is something that happened to me as a child, it doesn't define me now.

I have found that telling one other person the truth about a secret can change you life. Many times we don't tell the truth about our secrets because we are afraid that someone else might judge us. But I always tell clients it is better to have "someone" judging you, than you judging you. Your opinion is the one that really matters in your life. If you hate yourself, it doesn't matter that someone else loves you, because you will still feel empty.

The truth is that there is nothing you have done and nothing that was done to you that will ever make you unlovable or unworthy. I have heard it all, and there has never been a situation that I felt lessened the person who told it to me.

We are all doing out best. Sometimes we don't think our best is any good, but I assure you it is. I assure you that when you know better you do better.

To forgive you have to stop blame. To stop the fight, you have to stop the fight. The fight may be you trying to hold your secret away from the world and underneath some fat. But there is no secret that is worth hanging onto that tightly.

It is time to release it.
Tell the truth.
Stick to the facts.
And then let it go.

You will feel lighter the minute you do.

Internal vs. External Control

2007-03-04T19:53:00.000-08:00

External vs. Internal Control

You are tired of feeling fat. You are tired of feeling heavy. But what are you doing about this feeling? Are you trying to get thin so you don’t have to feel fat anymore?
Well, that is what I call using external circumstances to control your feelings. Trying to control the outside to help you feel better inside. We choose to believe that if we were thin we would feel light and wonderful. But I suggest you turn it around. I suggest you change how you feel inside first, and then see it manifest on the outside.

If you are thinking thoughts about being heavy you will feel heavy. Thoughts cause your feelings. If you are feeling heavy you will take actions that are heavy. (fog eating, eating heavy food, sitting on the heavy couch) Feelings cause actions. When your actions are heavy, you get heavy results. You are overweight and heavy. The cycle repeats.

To help with this process -think about the part of you that isn’t your body. Think about that unchanging you that is inside. This part of you is light and connected and weightless. Really do this. Think about it for a minute. When you are having thoughts of lightness and freedom; when you are focused on the essence of your BEING you will feel the feelings of lightness. You will want to take actions that help you feel light. Eating healthy food in small quantities makes your stomach feel light, it makes your body feel energetic, it make the cells in every inch of your body delight in just enough food to function without being overburdened. These actions will eventually lead you to the result of a lighter body.

That is how it works. Those are the rules. Your thoughts will dictate how you eat. Light thoughts lead to light feelings which lead to light meals. Light meals lead to a lighter body. The result always proves the original thought.

There is a part of you that is weightless. Connect to that part of you. Live FROM that part of you. BE that part of you. Then your body will change.

Use your mind.
Change your thoughts.
Feel good.

Your happiness is within you.
Connect to it.
Don’t let food block the way.

With much love,

Brooke

Upcoming Events

May 19th If I am So Smart, Why Can’t I Lose Weight? Workshop in Los Altos, CA

Aug. 5th-9th Squaw Creek Retreat in Lake Tahoe, CA

Products
Coach in a Box- will start shipping March 29th
If I am So Smart, Why Can’t I Lose Weight? Audio Book-now available on amazon.com

Go to http://coach4weight.com or http://futuresunlimitedcoaching.com for more information.

What to do when you want to eat when you aren't hungry.

2007-02-08T20:00:00.000-08:00

Ok. Ok. First I need to apologize for not posting for waaaay too long. I seriously am learning as I go. When I first opened this account I was just learning about blogging and didn't have much time to post. I have been coaching many many clients through email. So basically all my blogging has been private. But now, I am not working one on one with anyone. My schedule is geared now to working with groups and creating products for even more people to benefit from.

So you can count on this being updated monthly. I will be answering email questions and talking about current ideas and of course all of my tools. I want this to be a place you can come when you are feeling discouraged with your weight loss journey and get a pep talk or a new idea to focus on.

I will also keep you updated on what is going on with me. I receive so many emails from past clients who just wan to know "What's up?" and it is sometimes hard for me to get back to all of you. So, hopefully, this will help a little. I will still do my best to answer each and every email personally.

This blog will be posted on blogger, on my website and sent out to everyone who has asked to be on my mailing list. If you would like to comment publicly, your best bet is to go to blogger where you can post a comment. If you want a private reply email me directly. And if you want to receive this in you inbox each month in my newsletter, then go to my website and click on the sign up for newsletter link.

Ok. So now onto something useful for you to think about. I wondered what is the most common question I get through new client emails and I came up with the following: "What should I do when I want to eat and I know I am not hungry?"

My answer?

Are you ready?

Drum Roll...............

Don't eat.

Ha ha ha ha. I know that is soo easy for me to say. But really think about it. If you aren't hungry and you want to eat, the reason you want to eat is not logical. You don't need food. If you needed food you would be hungry.

So what is it you need? I promise you that you won't find out if you eat. If you think you don't know what is going on with you. If you think you don't know what you are feeling. If you think you don't know what your negative thoughts are. Then you need to NOT EAT and find out.

The minute you eat you lose access to your interior life. You lose the opportunity to get to know yourself and what you are experiencing in each moment. Eating is what we do when we want to disconnect from our experience. It is how we put distance between ourselves and our pain. Or what we imagine will be painful.

But here is what I know and what my clients know. If you don't eat when you aren't hungry you get the opportunity to feel what it is like to feel some pain or some frustration or some loneliness all the way through to the other side. And on the other side of a feeling is a thought causing it. If you give yourself the chance to find that thought, you will most likely find a negative lie that needs some work. Some belief system that you may not have known you have.

And when you become aware of this thought that is the cause of your pain. You can change it. You can take control of your thinking by getting to know it. By willing to listen to yourself.

And if you do this enough, you can change many negative thoughts to more positive beliefs. You can change, "I don't have control." to "I am the only one who has complete control over me."

Before you know it, a whole week will go by when you haven't wanted to eat when you weren't hungry. That is our goal. We don't want you to have to fight against the desire to overeat; we don't want that desire to be relevant in your life.

So next time you want to eat when you aren't hungry. Don't eat.

The very worst thing that can happen is a feeling.
Feel it through to the other side.

That's where YOU are waiting. (much thinner)

The best gift you have to give is your own happiness.

Brooke

2006-06-20T12:44:00.000-07:00

My clients are all so much smarter than me. I have coached M.D.'s, Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Attorney's, CEO's, Executives, Executive coaches, accountants, and many other very intelligent professionals. I am no where near as smart as most of them. I have a hard time spelling, doing basic accounting, and can't come close to understanding chemistry. Many of my clients do all these difficult things with ease and competency and yet they struggle relentlessly with their weight.

I believe the main reason very intelligent and accomplished women sometimes struggle with their weight is because they haven't spent enough time developing their emotional intelligence. Ending overeating is about understanding what is going on for us emotionally and taking the time to develop the ability to manage our emotions in productive ways. In demanding careers and high level education, there is often little time spent on body connection and self awareness. So many times, this catches up with stressed out, busy and successful professionals.

The weight struggle has nothing to do with being smart and it certainly has nothing to do with being lazy. Intelligent women understand nutrition and exercise and calories. What many women don’t truly understand is themselves and what causes them to overeat and gain weight in the first place.

So what I can offer my intelligent clients is a perspective on the basics. If they are eating and they aren't hungry there is something emotional causing them to eat. Once we find out the cause, the solution can be implemented. The solution is always internal and the results can then be permanent.

Why Are You Eating That?

2006-06-07T10:03:00.000-07:00

Why are you eating that? Yeah that, in your hand. What is the reason you are eating that right now? Are you hungry? Are you bored? Does it make you happy? Does it dull your emotions? Why are you still eating it? Aren't you full by now?

The reasons why we eat are many. We eat because it is time to eat. We eat because the diet tells us to. We eat because everyone else is eating. We eat because it's there. We eat because it tastes good and our life doesn't sometimes. We eat to dull the pain. How often do we really eat because we are hungry and stop because we are satisfied? Rarely.

What would happen if you ate solely based on what your body told you? Try it out. Eat only when you are hungry and stop the minute you are satisfied. Eat what your body is hungry for ( I am pretty sure it's not that diet shake in the pantry). What would happen to your plan? What would happen to your weight?

Every time you eat something ask yourself, "Why am I eating this bite?" The answer might surprise you.

Audio Motivation for January

2006-01-19T14:33:00.000-08:00

2006-01-19T14:07:00.000-08:00

MONTHLY MOTIVATION FOR JANUARY

Everyone wants the magic secret when they first come to me. They want the effortless solution that will melt their fat away and give them joy. I always disappoint. You can't get the prize without running the race. Trophies, ribbons, black belts and achievements all mean very little to us if they are not earned. A karate master can give you the black belt and you can even wear it and it might change your life for a while with the external recognition and congratulations, but it won't change who you are inside. The same is true for earned weight loss or any other goal you have.

I have many clients who come to me after fast doctor supervised weight loss, surgery, or a stringent diet plan, panicking that they will gain the weight back. I believe it is because they don't own the accomplishment and feel it can be taken away. They have changed the way their body looks, but they haven't done the internal work to maintain it.

Weight loss is hard work. This is not bad news. On some level we need to be challenged. We need to show ourselves what we are made of. Many things in our lives come very easy with the modern conveniences and the abundance of our nation's wealth. Our spirit longs for internal victory,it longs for the test that pushes us to be more than what we are today.

Shortcuts to joy, including overeating and overspending, give us a sense of pleasure temporarily. "Earned joy" is when we do something in our own lives that gives us a permanent sense of fullness without eating. Losing weight the hard way-by uncovering what is causing you to overeat in the first place and then doing something about it-is one of the best ways I know to earn some true joy.

Hard work with a permanent reward is something we ache for. Pushing ourselves to be more and blast through our limitations mentally and physically can be the medicine so many of our mildly unhappy hearts need.

So the next time someone offers to help you lose 10 pounds in three minutes-- remind yourself to take the long way and not to sell out to a shortcut. The journey that requires you to work on yourself has a better view and the destination is sweeter than any brownie I have ever tasted.

May 2006 be your best year yet!