For those of you who are interested, I taught a class last night titled Self Coaching 101. It is now available for download at www.selfcoaching101.com for free.
You can also join the forum there and ask me questions about anything you learn in the class.
Enjoy!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
I Hate My Thighs!
I have a client right now who has worked so hard and made so much progress it is mind-blowing. I am not talking about the amount of weight she has lost from her body, but the emotional weight she has removed from her mind.
Last week, I had given her the assignment of looking at her unclothed body in a full-length mirror and writing down any thoughts that came up for her. It was the end of our session when I gave her this assignment so I did not realize the level of panic it seemed to create within her.
At our next session, she told me she did not do the assignment because she was terrified that if she looked at her body that way she would be filled with self-loathing and would not want to stop eating. I tried to explain to her that self-loathing doesn't just happen. It actually takes a lot of effort on our part to think all those negative thoughts, believe them, and then fight against the feelings those thoughts create until we can't stand it anymore and eat.
She understood this at an intellectual level (she is brilliantly smart) but on an emotional level the feeling was still terror. So we imagined doing the exercise together and then she went to the mirror and started to describe her thighs to me on the phone:
My thighs are huge.
My thighs are cottage cheese.
I hate them.
They're huge.
They touch each other.
They have tons of cellulite.
They are fugly.
There are veins on one side.
They are purplish.
My knees are big.
I have piano legs.
I can't see my ankles.
My feet are swollen.
This was very difficult for her to do. When she said, "I hate them" she burst into tears and I could hear the pain in her voice. But I stayed with her and kept asking her, "What else?"
When she was done. I told her that I would accept all her observations as facts that could be assumed true. (None of them could, but for the sake of this exercise I separated observation from emotional statements of judgment.) The only one that I pulled out as an emotional judgment was, "I hate them."
I asked her if this statement were true.
She immediately said no. She corrected herself and said, "I just hate the way they look."
Now, this may not seem HUGE to you-but it was. It was an amazing differentiation.
I repeated both thoughts to her and had her describe how she felt when she thought each thought.
Thought 1: I hate my thighs. Feelings: hopeless, despair, anger, pit of sadness
Thought 2: I hate the way my thighs look. Feeling: hope
HOPE????
Seems like a negative thought when you read it out-loud, but for her it brought her hope. It was a better feeling thought that was much more true for her.
And then she amazingly started to speak more about her thighs:
When I am present in my body, I love the way my thighs feel. I have great quads. They are strong and solid.
It is amazing. I don't hate my thighs. Who knew?
As a coach, these subtle shifts in consciousness fill me with a sense of wonder, excitement and joy. I cannot tell you how amazing it is to watch someone realize that their thoughts are not who they are. That the way their body looks is not who they are. That love has nothing to do with appearance.
I know from experience that she will never be able to look at her thighs and hate them or herself for the way they look. Once you have seen the truth-you can't un-ring that bell.
If that isn't a miracle-I don't know what is.
Last week, I had given her the assignment of looking at her unclothed body in a full-length mirror and writing down any thoughts that came up for her. It was the end of our session when I gave her this assignment so I did not realize the level of panic it seemed to create within her.
At our next session, she told me she did not do the assignment because she was terrified that if she looked at her body that way she would be filled with self-loathing and would not want to stop eating. I tried to explain to her that self-loathing doesn't just happen. It actually takes a lot of effort on our part to think all those negative thoughts, believe them, and then fight against the feelings those thoughts create until we can't stand it anymore and eat.
She understood this at an intellectual level (she is brilliantly smart) but on an emotional level the feeling was still terror. So we imagined doing the exercise together and then she went to the mirror and started to describe her thighs to me on the phone:
My thighs are huge.
My thighs are cottage cheese.
I hate them.
They're huge.
They touch each other.
They have tons of cellulite.
They are fugly.
There are veins on one side.
They are purplish.
My knees are big.
I have piano legs.
I can't see my ankles.
My feet are swollen.
This was very difficult for her to do. When she said, "I hate them" she burst into tears and I could hear the pain in her voice. But I stayed with her and kept asking her, "What else?"
When she was done. I told her that I would accept all her observations as facts that could be assumed true. (None of them could, but for the sake of this exercise I separated observation from emotional statements of judgment.) The only one that I pulled out as an emotional judgment was, "I hate them."
I asked her if this statement were true.
She immediately said no. She corrected herself and said, "I just hate the way they look."
Now, this may not seem HUGE to you-but it was. It was an amazing differentiation.
I repeated both thoughts to her and had her describe how she felt when she thought each thought.
Thought 1: I hate my thighs. Feelings: hopeless, despair, anger, pit of sadness
Thought 2: I hate the way my thighs look. Feeling: hope
HOPE????
Seems like a negative thought when you read it out-loud, but for her it brought her hope. It was a better feeling thought that was much more true for her.
And then she amazingly started to speak more about her thighs:
When I am present in my body, I love the way my thighs feel. I have great quads. They are strong and solid.
It is amazing. I don't hate my thighs. Who knew?
As a coach, these subtle shifts in consciousness fill me with a sense of wonder, excitement and joy. I cannot tell you how amazing it is to watch someone realize that their thoughts are not who they are. That the way their body looks is not who they are. That love has nothing to do with appearance.
I know from experience that she will never be able to look at her thighs and hate them or herself for the way they look. Once you have seen the truth-you can't un-ring that bell.
If that isn't a miracle-I don't know what is.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Eat on Purpose
What did you eat today? Really think about it. Did you eat it on purpose or by default?
It was all I had in the house.
I was busy today and just had to grab something,
I didn't have time to eat until I passed the vending machine.
It was fast and easy.
These are all comments by my clients. These are comments of someone who is not eating on purpose.
Eckhart Tolle says, "Illness sneaks in when you are not present in your body."
I believe the same is true of obesity and weight gain. We check out of our connection to ourselves and how our bodies feel. We stop paying attention to how the donut slows us down or the candy bar spikes our blood sugar. We just toss whatever is available into our mouths with little regard to how it will serve our body.
Everything that goes into your mouth can be on purpose. Each bite can be a decision to serve your body and yourself. If you are living in an unconscious way and you feel as if you life is happening to you, start by eating on purpose. You can use each meal as a way to "awaken" and be conscious.
Here are some questions that can keep you on task:
Why am I eating this?
Am I eating this on purpose?
How can I plan on eating in a way that serves me?
How does this food feel in my body?
Remember that perfection is not required. Beating yourself up is never allowed.
Each day is a new day, and each hour is a new hour, to eat purposefully.
Start now.
It was all I had in the house.
I was busy today and just had to grab something,
I didn't have time to eat until I passed the vending machine.
It was fast and easy.
These are all comments by my clients. These are comments of someone who is not eating on purpose.
Eckhart Tolle says, "Illness sneaks in when you are not present in your body."
I believe the same is true of obesity and weight gain. We check out of our connection to ourselves and how our bodies feel. We stop paying attention to how the donut slows us down or the candy bar spikes our blood sugar. We just toss whatever is available into our mouths with little regard to how it will serve our body.
Everything that goes into your mouth can be on purpose. Each bite can be a decision to serve your body and yourself. If you are living in an unconscious way and you feel as if you life is happening to you, start by eating on purpose. You can use each meal as a way to "awaken" and be conscious.
Here are some questions that can keep you on task:
Why am I eating this?
Am I eating this on purpose?
How can I plan on eating in a way that serves me?
How does this food feel in my body?
Remember that perfection is not required. Beating yourself up is never allowed.
Each day is a new day, and each hour is a new hour, to eat purposefully.
Start now.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Self Coaching 101
For those of you who don't know- I am busy. Busy in a really good way. I am weight loss coaching a full practice, teaching classes for Martha Beck Inc., training new life coaches, planning an upcoming retreat for my weight loss clients, and starting a new website titled Self Coaching 101. You can find it at www.selfcoaching101.com.
What I have decided to do is to take everything I have learned over the past 14 years that applies to general coaching and create a free product for anyone who wants or needs it. My first passion is working with weight loss clients, but I also have many requests from people who want the tools and don't need to lose weight. By recording a class and opening a general coaching forum, I think I will be able to address this need.
I am going to be working with other coaches to create supportive coaching groups for anyone who wants ongoing support. I am going to be running a forum book club where I will delve into my favorite self help author's works in a way that opens up enlightening discussions. And finally, I will open my practice up to non-weight loss clients who just want to get the basic self coaching tools they need to have more joy in their lives.
I am very excited about this new project! I hope you will join me at www.selfcoaching101.com.
I also wanted to let you know that I will be posting my audiobook-If I am So Smart, Why Can't I Lose Weight-on my blogcast (http://blog.brookecastillo.com) at the rate of one chapter per week. You can download it for free starting today.
Look forward to seeing you on the forum starting March 27th!
What I have decided to do is to take everything I have learned over the past 14 years that applies to general coaching and create a free product for anyone who wants or needs it. My first passion is working with weight loss clients, but I also have many requests from people who want the tools and don't need to lose weight. By recording a class and opening a general coaching forum, I think I will be able to address this need.
I am going to be working with other coaches to create supportive coaching groups for anyone who wants ongoing support. I am going to be running a forum book club where I will delve into my favorite self help author's works in a way that opens up enlightening discussions. And finally, I will open my practice up to non-weight loss clients who just want to get the basic self coaching tools they need to have more joy in their lives.
I am very excited about this new project! I hope you will join me at www.selfcoaching101.com.
I also wanted to let you know that I will be posting my audiobook-If I am So Smart, Why Can't I Lose Weight-on my blogcast (http://blog.brookecastillo.com) at the rate of one chapter per week. You can download it for free starting today.
Look forward to seeing you on the forum starting March 27th!
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