A River of Friends by Natalie Gray (Guest Post)

The following is a blog post from life coach Natalie Gray. I checked out her blog recently, came across this post, and loved it. I thought you might enjoy reading it. -Brooke

I was talking to a client the other day about her friends. She was upset because she didn't like the fact that her friends seemed to come and go in her life. I shared with her my analogy of what I think friends are.

To me, friends are like a great big river that flows around and past me. I am in the river, too. As the river of friends flows around me, I notice that some friends seem to be flowing at the same speed as I am, and they are the friends that I am privileged to be around at that time. Then, for whatever reason--the current picks up, I find a slower current, my friends find a faster one, I get caught on a "rock"--I find that the friends I was just with are no longer in front of me, and there are now different friends around me. The current of the river is perfect, the friends that are in front of me are perfect and I am perfect, and we are all flowing at the speed and in the current that is just right for us.

I've always loved this analogy, because it allows my friends and I the grace of our lives. It acknowledges that my friends and I will not always be in the same place at the same time. I may be in the rapids about a mile upstream from my friend, who is in the shallows ahead of me. I might be hanging out on the riverbank while many friends flow past and I get a chance to wave and say, "Hi dear one. Hope you are well. Catch you further downstream."

Another thing this analogy does is take me out of the driver's seat, in terms of my friends and who is currently in my life. I cannot control my friends (nor would I want to). I want my friends to know that WHENEVER they decide to contact me is perfect. I may be available or I may not. I wish the same for them. This free-flowing, accepting way of looking at friends has allowed me to make tons of friends all over the world and to love and accept them as much as I possibly can wherever and however they are.

Lately I've begun looking at the river not just in terms of my friends, but in terms of everyone with whom I have any kind of contact. These, too, are my friends, and some of them just don't know it yet. But all the same aspects of the river metaphor apply here, too.

PEOPLE are like a great big river that flows around and past me. I am in this river of people, too. All of us are flowing by each other at different rates of speed. And just like in the river of friends, in this river of people, we are all flowing past and around each other at the perfect speed.

Who is the river bringing in to my life now? As I'm able to let the river of people flow, without trying to control it (hopeless, I know), I find that I'm really interested in just who it is that is next to me in the river. I want to know more about this person, since the river as brought them to me. They're the gift to me from the river in this moment. Just as in the river of friends, I am not in the driver's seat when it comes to this river of people. The people appear, stay, come, go, reappear and disappear as the river takes them--all in perfect timing.

And because I am freely flowing in this river of people, and letting them flow freely as well (just as in the river of friends), I can love and accept whoever the river of people brings to me or sweeps away from me. I can enjoy them and our time together as much as I possibly can for however long the river allows us to float along together.

You can read more from Natalie on her blog: www.alifeofradicaljoy.blogspot.com

Stay

I am listening to a Cd set by Pema Chodron (Getting Unstuck) right now. I am loving it and you should all buy it from amazon.com. She is truly a Master teacher.

One of her main teachings is the brilliant instruction to stay. The simplicity of the word she repeats in her beautiful voice sends tingles through my body. Stay. Stay. Stay.

We fog eat because we don't want to stay. We don't want to stay connected to our bodies and in the vibration of our negative emotions. We want to dull the vibration of our negative emotions by filling our empty space with food. We want to leave. We want to escape.

But what might happen if we stay? Stay put. Stay in the emotion. Stay connected. Stay still. Stay present. Seriously consider this. What are you afraid might happen? Are you sure this will happen? Does it even make any sense.

Stay.

Stay in the pain long enough to let it go.

Stay in the moment.

Stay in your body.

What I notice, is that when I stay still, the the emotion goes right through me. It is almost like standing still when a gust of wind blows in from the distance. I see it coming and know it is big by the way it is flipping loose objects about, but if I stay, it comes and whips right through me and is gone. If I try to outrun the wind, what I find is that I can never stop running.

You can't outrun your feelings either. Nor do you want to. Our feelings help us know we are alive and awake and in the moment. If you are willing to feel and not eat, you get to meet yourself at the deepest, most intimate level. If we are willing to stay in your life, you get the benefit of experiencing it.

Stay. In. Each. Moment.

Stay.

No food required.

Stay.

Complaints

Those of you who know me, know that I am a sucker for self-help books. I have been in a reading mode of late-reading every good book I can. Oprah recently recommended Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth, on her show. I picked up the book and haven't put it down. I have been quoting it out-loud to all my clients recently.

It is a book I have needed to read.

Recently, I have been indulging in some complaining. I have made a valiant effort to complain myself happy. It is an uncommon activity for me, because I know that when we complain we are acting as victims and we cannot create from a place of victimhood. But still, no one is perfect, and the complaining seemed to feel good.

Until I realized it didn't.

Until my best friend asked me what the hell was wrong with me. She reminded me that everything I was complaining about was something I had chosen and created. And then she told me to shut up. I love her- so much.

I stopped complaining. I felt better immediately. Then I took each complaint (each thought) and did my work on it. It was long and hard work. It wasn't fun. All the turn arounds came right back to me. But when I was done, I felt alive and whole again. There is nothing like the truth to bring freedom back into my soul.

I learned so much from Eckhart. He says it so brilliantly. I hope you will pick up a copy of his book, A New Earth. Here are some of his words:

"Ask yourself, 'Is there any negativity in me in this moment?'....The moment you become aware of a negative state within yourself, it does not mean you have failed. It means you have succeeded. Until that awareness happens, there is identification with inner states, and such identification is ego. With awareness comes disidentification from thoughts, emotions, and reactions. This is not to be confused with denial.....in the moment of recognition, disidentification happens automatically. Your sense of self, and who you are, then undergoes a shift.....you are now the Presence that witnesses those states."

What this means to me, as a Master Coach, is that I don't have to feel inadequate because I feel bad or complain. It means that I have an opportunity to go deeper. I have the opportunity to become the Witness. This gives me the awareness that I am not my complaints, but something deeper and more peaceful. By recognizing that which is not me, I become more me.

Being perfect and doing it all right does not take us deeper into who we really are. It is in our glaring mistakes and misdeeds that we find ourselves.

This must be why I know myself so well.