What Happy Women Know

I read a lot of self help books. And when I say a lot I really mean it. I sometimes read three a week. I would say I love one out of every ten I read. This book I love so much I am putting it on my blog. It is worth the read for every woman out there.

The author, Dan Baker, is the director of Life Enhancement at Canyon ranch and has been for many years. He uses real life examples from many different real women who I enjoyed and related to on many levels.

I am not going to pretend to do a literary review of this book by giving you a full recap, but I will say READ IT. I have underlined many passages and starred many paragraphs, and I will share a few here with you. But go get a copy for yourself and underline what resonates with you as well.

I was most mesmerized on the chapter Happiness and Health (Chap 9) for the obvious reason that I am a weight loss coach. He talks about how we define happiness for ourselves and how it is a very subjective and personal definition for every person. Some see happiness as a way of being, some see it as a sense of belonging, and others see it as a positive side effect of living a good life. But more importantly he states, "No matter. We can look at definitions of happiness until the cows come home. Without our health, we have nothing."

I couldn't agree more.

I tell my clients who are too busy to take care of themselves this over and over. Too often, we wait for something to go wrong before we pay attention to our health. What Dr. Baker is saying is that that absence of disease doesn't mean that you are healthy. He prefers the definition: "The optimal condition of being that allows for the ultimate engagement of life."

This is a quote by Jesse Williams M.D in a book he wrote in 1928. What a rock star this guy was!

Is your health (emotional and physical) in the optimal condition to engage in life fully? Are you prepped for the game of life? Are you taking care of yourself so you can be fully present in the moment? Is your health your top priority so you can be there optimally for everyone else who needs you?

Just wondering......

And if you read on you will get to the part where he talks about the ten qualities of happy women. See how many you have:

1. Believing in yourself
2. Knowing your True North
3. Taking Personal Responsibility
4. Having Courage
5. Being Altruistic
6. Embracing Optimism
7. Being Proactive
8. Appreciating Life
9. Sharing your Wisdom
10. Persevering


I believe I am a happy woman and I can assure you that I have all of these qualities in some small way. And the areas where I don't have as much, I am working on.

This is a book I will not just read, but I will study. Join me!

Are You Too Busy to be Thin?

Do you have fuel meals ready to go in your refrigerator?

Do you have a regular scheduled time to workout?

Do you take the time to listen to your emotional self?

Do you evaluate your limiting belief systems on a regular basis?

If you answered no to any of the above questions ask yourself, "Why?"

Are you too busy?

When I question some of my clients weekly about these things, most often they come back with, "I didn't have time."

Let me remind you of something you already know-we all have time. We all get 24 hours. We decide how to spend that time just as we decide how to spend our money. It is more accurate to say, "I chose not to take the time to have fuel, exercise or take care of myself emotionally."

Saying, "I was busy." is an excuse. It isn't a good enough reason to accept from yourself. Find out why you are aren't making the time for yourself, your health and your well-being.

Be kind in this investigation. Be curious about what is driving you and how you are prioritizing. Don't stoop to judging yourself.

There is no such thing as "too busy." There is only the decision to not make yourself a priority.

Don't make this mistake. You deserve the gift of your own time to take care of your health.

Top Ten Long Term Weight Loss Tips

Here is a question that I get somewhat often, "What are the top ten things I need to remember when trying to lose weight?" I decided to answer this question in my blog. I know that this somewhat repetitive for those of you who have read my book, but it's a good review.

1. Eat only when you are hungry.

This means stop eating the minute you are full. This means if you go out to dinner and eat all the bread in the breadbasket you don't eat your dinner. This means if it is lunch break at work and you aren't hungry- don't eat. This means if you are in the middle of a sandwich and you are no longer hungry, you stop eating.

2. When you aren’t hungry and eating for joy only, make sure you are eating something fantastic and tasting every bite.

There will be times when you want to eat just for the joy of it. I say if you only do this 10% of the time you can still lose weight. But the trick is to make sure you enjoy each bite, taste it fully and stop as soon as the joy of eating it fades. If you pay attention, you will be surprised how soon this might be.

3. Be curious about yourself-not judgmental.

When you do something that you think is "off" your plan of what you would like to be doing, be curious and try to find out why you do what you do. Explore the thoughts that lead to the action. Be kind and understanding with yourself. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt.

4. Believe it is possible to be thin without being mean to yourself.

You do not have to beat yourself into submission for thinness. In fact, I have found the opposite is true. Loving yourself and being kind to yourself is a much better path to permanent weight loss.

5. Feel your feelings.

Be anxious. (Don't eat.) Be sad. (Don't eat.) Be afraid. (Don't eat.) Be angry. (Don't eat.) If you use eating as an alternative to feeling you are most likely going to be overweight. The sooner you feel your feelings the sooner they will subside.

6. Stop expecting things “out there” to change so you can feel better.

Don’t wait for a better job, a thinner body, a nicer husband or a better tasting diet in order to be happy. You can be the source of your own joy by finding out what you love to do and who you love to be. By living your own truth, you can be happy no matter what is going on “out there.”

7. Even when you think you have “blown it” write down every piece of food that goes into your mouth and then read that list with fascination.

It may feel better to write in the food journal when you are eating fuel most of the time, but that is not when it is the most important. When you are fog eating and storm eating and binging and going crazy with food, you have the best opportunity to learn about yourself and why you do what you do. No matter how much you have eaten and no matter how big the binge was, write down every single thing that went into your mouth and look at it with kind curiosity.

8. Realize that eating when you aren’t hungry is not satisfying hunger or comforting you-it’s just making you heavy.

Notice the terminology you use when discussing food. “ I had my chocolate fix.” “ I needed comfort food.” “I wanted to give myself a treat.” Food is not a good source of emotional comfort and it cannot fix you.

9. Remember the past does not equal the future

We have all been on many many diets. Many of us have been heavy a long time. This does not mean that you can’t lose weight. You have been doing the best you can. And when you know better- you do better- and you look better….

10. Never give up!

Enough said.


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Ok Ok Here are the Photos

Many of you have wanted to see a photo of my family because I talk about them so much. So here is a photo of me and my husband Chris taken by Christian while vacationing in an RV. The other one is of our boys, Christian and Connor. Connor is the red head.

Prove Yourself Wrong

I have heard the negative beliefs over and over. They are all some version of the following belief: "I can't lose weight; there is something wrong with me." I have also heard all the proof for this belief. It includes past attempts and diets, no motivation to exercise, slow metabolism, no willpower, and genetics. This "evidence" is spoken to me as irrefutable truth. The broken self-promises are all pulled out as proof that you are somehow broken and not able to lose weight permanently without a struggle.

I am here to tell you that you are WRONG.

I know that sometimes it is hard to hear that everything you have believed for so many years is a lie-but it is. I know that you might have been told that you have to go on some crazy diet or get surgery in order to keep weight off permanently. I know that there are many examples of other people who have attempted to lose weight and have been unsuccessful. But none of this is evidence that proves you cannot accomplish permanent weight loss for yourself.

You can lose weight, keep it off, and end the struggle.

Period.

I don't care what anyone else has told you. I don't care how heavy your mother is. I don't care how your sister struggles too. None of that means you can't be free from overeating and excess weight.

So I am asking you to prove yourself wrong. Be willing to admit that you have made a huge mistake in believing that you can't lose weight. You have really screwed up in perpetuating the struggle by believing that somehow you don't have what it takes to live in a body that is at a comfortable and natural weight.

It was hard for me to admit that I was wrong. I don't like being wrong (just ask my husband). But I was wrong. There wasn't something different about me that made it impossible to lose weight. I was wrong when I believed my mother when she told me, "You will always be a big girl, and you will always have to watch your weight." She was wrong and I was wrong to believe her.

I am tall-not big. And I don't have to watch my weight; I have to watch my beliefs. And when I find one that is not serving me or working for me, I am willing to prove myeslf wrong.

Are you willing to prove yourself wrong?

My Brother Matt

First, let me start by saying that my brother Matt is one of my favorite people on the planet. He is kind, funny, emotionally intelligent; and watching him play endlessly with his one-year old daughter is enough to make my heart explode. But that is all beside the point. The reason I mention Matt here on my weight loss blog, is because he is thin naturally.

I mean he has the body many of us want- just add boobs. He has a six-pack. He is tan. He is thin.

I watch him eat as a sport. I ask him endless questions about food and what he likes and what it's like to never worry about getting fat. I am fascinated when he pays more attention to the conversation than to his plate. I watch how carefully he orders exactly what he wants. I study him as he orders dessert (or not) based on how much time we have for the meal. (As if that is relevant.)

Matt is what I am trying to teach my clients. Matt is the gold standard for eating when you are hungry and truly enjoying a joy eat. Matt does not feel guilty when he dips his pizza in mayonnaise (he ran out of ranch one day and found something he liked even better.) Matt would never consider beating himself up over a bowl of his favorite coffee ice cream.

So many of my clients believe that if they had what Matt has-carefree thinness- then they would be happy. Is it true? When I compare in my mind my client who weighs 270 and Matt on the happiness scale I can’t decide who wins. My client has so much in her life and so does Matt. Does the fact that my client is heavy make her less happy than thin Matt?

I don't think so.

They are both very happy in many ways and both still struggle in many ways. Matt worries about being good enough in his life and she worries about being good enough in hers. Who of us doesn’t? The fact that Matt doesn't worry about his weight or food doesn't automatically give him more joy than someone who does.

It's not that we are overeating. It is what is causing us to overeat. And what causes us to eat may cause someone like Matt to smoke (he recently quit.) We manifest it differently, but we all have negative beliefs and insecurities that cause us to run and hide from ourselves.

So although I often look at Matt and dream about what it would be like to eat anything I want all day long and not gain one pound, I do not wish I could change places with him. I know that he has his work just as I have mine. The only thing I might envy in him is that he doesn't believe losing weight is the secret to his happiness.

Happiness is the Consequence of Personal Effort

"Happiness is the Consequence of Personal Effort" -Liz Gilbert

Notice that Liz, author of "Eat, Pray, Love" does not say that happiness is the result of personal punishment. She doesn't say that if you beat yourself up enough and starve yourself enough and then work out hard enough so you can barely stand enough that you will be happy. She says that you make an effort to be happy.

So many of my clients tell me they will be happy after they beat themselves into submission with a rigorous diet. They say they will be happy when they are thin. They say they wil be happy when their career takes off. But happiness is something only you can work at. Being kind to yourself and having compassion for yourself can connect you to yourself and the happiness that is already residing within you.

You cannot go on a path of self-criticism and expect to find joy at the end. The path of self-critism and self-punishment leads to pain. Always has.